For The Sake Of Your Kids, Don’t Let Dictator Xi Jinping Be A Co-Parent

Should you welcome China’s dictator Xi Jinping to co-parent your children? An essay Heather Kaye, an American citizen who lived 16 years in China, writes in The New York Times “Yes.” However, for someone like me who was born in China, her essay revealed many misunderstandings about Chinese culture and people. It also highlighted the importance of being a parent. 

Kaye is a fashion designer and has two daughters with her husband in China. Kaye didn’t seek out the Chinese government to co-parent, but she had little choice. She wrote: “In China, government co-parenting begins in the womb.” Beijing may have relaxed its population control after a “one-child” policy “three-child” policy, but it’s clear that Xi still wants control over how many children a Chinese couple may have. 

Kaye says that her co-parenting with an authoritarian, intrusive government was one of the main benefits for her girls. 

Parents actually play a major role

She believed that the Chinese government had taken the pressure off her and her husband to instill good values in their daughters. Take, for example: “our girls came home discussing self-discipline, integrity and respect for elders. With school instilling a solid work ethic and a total drive for academic excellence, my husband and I didn’t need to push the girls to complete homework; the shame of letting their teachers and classmates down was enough to light their fires.”

Truth is, we Chinese learn these cultural values from our parents before we go to school. Teachers reinforce these cultural values with a political twist — equating respecting the authorities with obeying the Communist Party and loving the party as patriotism.

Chinese parents don’t get to relax as Kaye did after sending their kids to school because schools hold parents accountable for their kids’ behavior and academic performances. A Chinese student who disrespected his teacher the first day would be called by the school to report his parents for poor parenting.

Chinese schools are very competitive. No matter how hard you study, only 30% of high school graduates are qualified to take the national college entrance exam. Teachers, students, parents, and other family members feel pressured by this level of competition. Chinese teachers use frequent tests to identify students’ weaknesses in each subject. Each test result must be signed by parents to show that they have understood the needs of their children. Parents are often urged or even nag by teachers to send their children to outside academies on weekends and evenings to encourage them to learn more. At parent-teacher conferences, parents of kids who haven’t improved their grades will be shamed for not caring enough for their kids’ future.

For many Chinese parents, having the Chinese government as a co-parent doesn’t offer relief, it only adds more stress. Financial pressure and the emotional anxiety of raising a child in China are some of the main reasons why the government’s