Why Pro-Lifers Should Help Bury The Babies They Can’t Save

A woman whom we will call Jessica buried her baby who was miscarried in the second trimester. At the funeral, she shared an image of her baby’s face submerged in saline, which brings out features for photography. Jessica’s friend, upon hearing about the service, said she was sorry to see that Jessica was “forced” into having a service. Jessica explained she was not forced; it was her choice to honor her baby.

As it turns out, this friend had an abortion around the same gestational age as Jessica’s baby. In her case, she had no idea how formed the baby had been. Miscarriage revealed the humanity of the unborn baby.

Pregnancy loss is devastating and even traumatic, whether it is a miscarriage — usually defined as a loss before 20 weeks’ gestation — or a stillbirth, a loss after 20 weeks. But unfortunately, many pro-life churches and pregnancy centers do not have specific care programs for pregnancy loss. If they did, that culture of life could trickle over to the abortion issue too.

Offering burial resources is one way pregnancy centers and churches can reduce pregnancy loss trauma and honor the unborn. There is real opportunity for pregnancy centers and churches to meet this unmet need. But this is a new concept within the pro-life movement. Pregnancy help organizations are often defined as including abortion recovery ministries, pregnancy centers, clinics, mobile units, hotlines, and maternity homes. Pregnancy loss is not yet definitionally included, but that can change.

Many women, in both first-trimester miscarriage and abortion, flush their babies, not knowing what else to do. Though this is common and should not be penalized, but women deserve better options. Pregnancy loss ministries hear from many women after loss who report that flushing their baby’s body was the most traumatizing aspect, resulting in stunted or complex grief. Burial or cremation can offer closure and healing for grieving families.

Furthermore, many women who abort babies at home from 7 to 13 weeks’ gestation experience unexpected regret and even bond to the child they can now see. With the majority of abortions taking place chemically rather than surgically, many people have not grasped that women are giving birth at home, potentially seeing their child’s remains.

Now, there is a need not only to start burying miscarried babies, but aborted babies as well. Some of these women were not told the remains were so formed. Others were not prepared for the hormonal rush of birthing their deceased baby and the oxytocin flooding their system.

In abortion, the grief is compounded, and the ethics of the action involve wrongdoing. But just because abortion and miscarriage are different does not mean the baby was any more or less valuable because of the circumstances of the loss, just as a human is no more or less valuable because of the circumstances of conception.

This is where the pro-life movement can help: through funeral home, cemetery, and church partnerships, they can and should offer baby burial and cremation options after abortion for women who desire it. The hope is that burying her aborted baby may help prevent repeat abortions by bringing the mother’s awareness to the humanity of the child and the availability of after-abortion healing programs.

When Donna Murphy started Heaven’s Gain Ministries, which helps families facing pregnancy loss, she was watching the March for Life. She says she heard clearly from the Holy Spirit:

“Women with abortions won’t be able to grieve and heal until women with miscarriages are able to grieve and heal.”

This is not because abortion and miscarriage involve the same grieving process or type of loss, but because both need to include recognition of life and dignity for the unborn child. As more women facing miscarriage or stillbirth are unafraid to call their baby’s loss a legitimate loss of life, the more culture will recognize the unborn as human. Not every woman’s experience is the same, but a baby, whether aborted or miscarried, is equally worthy of a dignified disposition.

The Catholic Church is strong in its baby burial work. This may be related to its deep emphasis on having a theology of the body. Burying the dead is considered a corporal work of mercy, meaning the act has spiritual significance and displays empathy. But there is no reason this needs to be only a Catholic practice. Every bereaved mother deserves this option.

Skeptics wonder if seeing the baby after miscarriage or abortion will be more traumatizing for the mother. Individual women differ — some are traumatized and some comforted. It is ultimately up to the woman whether she wants a burial or cremation option.

With a simple saline contact solution improving a baby’s appearance, many find it healing to face the reality and beauty of a baby’s life. Miscarriage Kits and C.A.R.E. Kits enable women to collect, find, rinse, and store babies lost at home in the first trimester with clearer guidance on the steps to take. Pro-life advocates should not try to take away a woman’s ability to flush or punish them for doing so, but rather seek to respond to many women’s desire for alternative options.

What would it look like for churches and pregnancy centers to step into this gap? Awareness and capacity must expand within existing infrastructures for baby burial and cremation. It might look like churches offering free Heaven’s Gain miscarriage kits so women can pick one up at any time. It might mirror Abiding Care pregnancy center, which also distributes kits, or its Willow Story grief program, which offers client appointments for loss and identified two funeral homes that provide cremations for free.

Churches can reserve sections devoted to baby burial, as seen at the Catholic Cemeteries of the Archdiocese of Washington or St. James on the Glebe Anglican Church — which recently held a funeral and burial for a stillborn child of a non-parishioner at no cost. Centers can research or ask for guidance on state laws to obtain any needed death certificates or burial-transit permits if required (which, in many states, are not required for first-trimester loss).

Increasing resource availability ensures that no woman feels forced to flush out of confusion or desperation. As pro-life Christians addressing pregnancy loss, we can do better to meet the need for burial. Doing so helps build a culture of life.

Chaney Mullins Gooley has spent over a decade in pro-life pro-woman work building a culture of life across denominations and service spheres. She now serves as a non-profit consultant and owner of Toward Home LLC and lives in Alexandria, VA with her husband Patrick.