To Divorce-Proof Your Marriage, Go To Church Often

The institutions of family and faith “have long been among America’s most reliable antidotes” to the historical plagues of social isolation, a new report from the Institute for Family Studies (IFS) states. These institutions remain the best remedy for today’s crisis.

Marriage and the family are in trouble. Cultural shifts such as no-fault divorce have caused an unprecedented spike in family breakdowns. In recent years, marriage rates plummeted to their lowest point in recorded history. This coincides with the sharp decline in fertility rates, which are now far below population replacement level.

Time alone behind computer screens has increasingly replaced in-person human interaction. Men and women simply aren’t doing what we were created to do — get married, stay married, and have children.

This family breakdown is disastrous for the wellbeing of children and adults. Reports of teenage suicide and school shootings are now regular occurrences. Communities are far less safe, and. the welfare state has taken over. American happiness continues to nosedive even as the self-help industry keeps cashing in on American dysfunction. The industry’s current market value of $53 billion is forecast to rise to $80 billion by 2033.

Worse still, Americans have stopped going to church. “Faith is less likely to guide American family life than it was a half century ago,” the IFS report states.

Regular church attendance declined from 49 percent to 32 percent between 1972 and 2014. In the same period, Catholic mass attendance declined by more than half to today’s level of 18 percent. The number of married parents attending church also dropped from 82 percent to 61 percent with the sharpest decline after 2010.

The report notes that the sexual and cultural revolutions of the 1960s and 1970s “loosened the grip of religion and marriage on American life.” Elites, whose voices were amplified by the media — and still are — proclaimed that marriage and faith were obstacles to freedom, happiness, and self-actualization. But that is a lie.

According to the report, being married substantially increases the odds of being very happy, and being “happily married” increases those odds further by 545 percent (that’s not a typo!). Christian marriages produce the highest results of happiness. Specifically, 79 percent of Catholics and 74 percent of Protestants who regularly attend church describe themselves as in happy marriages, as contrasted with secular peers and tepid religious counterparts, whose marital happiness was 66 percent or lower. Christian churchgoers divorce less, too, with devout Catholic mass attendees the least likely of any survey group to divorce.

So, what is it about Christianity and regular church attendance that protects these unions against the influence of the secular culture, and do any specific beliefs or practices bolster immunity? The study identifies several key factors: shared values, belief in marriage permanency, prayer, and perceived fairness in the relationship.

According to a Pew Research Center poll, only 38 percent of adults believe shared values on moral and religious matters are very important in choosing a partner. However, the IFS study finds that alignment on such matters isa significant predictor of relationship stability and satisfaction, finding: “Spouses with shared values have 6.86 times higher odds of perceived marital stability and 6.85 times higher odds of being happily married than their non-aligned peers. These are very large differences in marital quality.”

The Christian view that marriage is indissoluble provides substantial protection against ultimate breakdown. The report reasons that shared values among Christian couples, including belief in lifelong unions and openness to children, produce a deep communion between the spouses, foster friendship, and breed a sense of fairness in relationship dynamics. As such, these couples fight and keep score less.

“And when conflict arises–as it does in every marriage — the belief in marriage as permanent becomes a kind of ballast,” the report states. In these marriages, couples are more willing to sacrifice and endure during a rough patch.

Finally, prayer plays a significant role in solidifying these relationships. Hollywood minister Patrick Peyton popularized the phrase, “The family that prays together, stays together.” It’s a quaint and catchy quote but social science now confirms it.

The report identifies one more bonus for keeping faith at the center of a marriage. Churchgoers have higher odds of sexual satisfaction than non-religious married couples, and they have sex more often.

Feminism and the sexual revolution promised women and men greater personal and sexual fulfillment if they freed themselves from marriage and slept around. That turned out to be false. Indeed, the more recent hook-up culture has led to a dearth of dating, increased social isolation, and a widespread mental health crisis.

The cohort of devout Christian couples in our country may be smaller than what it once was, but the survivors are on the right course. May their example burn bright.

Beverly Willett’s legal thriller Nobody’s Fault will be published by Old Fort Press in October 2027. A former New York City litigator and copyright attorney, Willett is also the author of Disassembly Required: A Memoir of Midlife Resurrection (Post Hill Press, 2019). She has written for The New York Times, USA Today, The Washington Post, The Washington Examiner, First Things, The National Catholic Register, and more. She also co-founded the Coalition for Divorce Reform. Contact her at beverlywillett.com and follow her on X @BeverlyWillett.