Hey, John Cornyn: I’m So Glad You’re Going

Hey, John. Let’s talk.

I know you’re giddier than a Dallas Drag Queen at a Talarico rally right now. Your schadenfreude over the brutal beating of the GOP in this week’s bluenami might only be exceeded by that of the Gayatolla and the gay old gang of butthurt neocons at The Wall Street Journal who will miss you so. 

You feel like you got ‘em, don’t ya old boy? Victory is yours, in your party’s crushing defeat. They should have listened to you, you keep telling yourself. Trump should have loved you. 

Truth is, though, Johnny, you’re a pretty unlikeable guy. Just ask the average Texas conservative who couldn’t wait to vote you the hell out of office in the Lone Star State primary. 

Don’t forget that Ken Paxton walloped you by 28 percentage points in the Republican Party runoff. Sure, the Christianity-hating Christian with the “non-binary” god beat the guy who beat you by 12 points in the general — thanks to the blueing of the rapidly-growing suburbs and the very unpopular war you lustily signed on to.   

But don’t miss the message, JC. Texas Republicans wholesale rejected your RINO behind because you spent four long terms in Washington, D.C. soaking in the swamp and turning your back on the voters who elected you. It took a little more than an hour of counting to reach the verdict. 

“John Cornyn was the last remaining representative of Bush-era Republican conservatism, and the ease with which Paxton dispatched him signals that the state’s party is now firmly in the hands of Trump’s MAGA base,” the Trump-hating Brookings Institution lamented. 

Red Texas voters had had enough of what remained of the Bush-Rove Republican Party. 

And a lot of disaffected Texas Republicans — as they did across the country — stayed home on Election Day because they felt betrayed by a party that failed to deliver on campaign promises made just two years before. In short, John, conservatives were disgusted with Republicans like you screwing them. *See the SAVE America Act. 

You have shown your true colors so many times, it’s surprising it took this long for Texans to reject you. Almost as surprising as your incredulity in Trump’s decision to endorse Paxton after your history of stabbing the president in the back. 

“When it was fashionable, he kissed my ass,” President Trump said of the legendary Cornyn duplicitousness.

John, I’d like you to turn now to your Oxford English Dictionary. Your picture should be there under the word “obtuse.” You wrote in the WSJ, your personal hanky to cry into, that Republicans lost “because our party forgot the basic rules of coalition politics.” No, John, your party lost because establishment addicts like you still believe there’s such a thing as “coalition politics” in a world where Democrats don’t simply want to beat their political opponents, they want to imprison them and murder them. 

After nearly all of this century in Washington, D.C., you have forgotten what red Texans — and republic patriots everywhere — are fighting for: Existence. 

As my Federalist colleague and Lone Star State citizen Jordan Boyd wrote, you “spent the time between the primary runoff and the general election complaining about and fighting Texas voters’ choices instead of doing everything to support them.” You’re a lot of things, John Cornyn, but you excel at sulking. 

“Cornyn was elected to go to Washington to work for the people. Instead of rewarding Texans’ trust, Cornyn turned on his base by working with Democrats to attack the Second Amendment, call conservatives terrorists, and throw money at another overseas war,” Boyd wrote. 

John, your joy was palpable late Tuesday night into Wednesday, expressed in your desire to help Senator-elect James Talarico transition. 

“I want to extend my congratulations to James Talarico on his election to the U.S. Senate. I look forward to meeting him and offering my assistance with with his transition as he prepares to serve Texas in the U.S. Senate,” you wrote in an X post. 

No doubt Grand Old Party took it in the shorts Tuesday — from conservatives who rejected spineless RINOs like you, JC. 

But there’s joy in Mudville, or Lubbock, as the case may be. Sometimes there’s winning in losing. The departure from the Senate of Thom Tillis, Susan Collins, and John Cornyn is addition by subtraction. 

Oh, how happy your absence will make me. 

Matt Kittle is a senior elections correspondent for The Federalist. An award-winning investigative reporter and 30-year veteran of print, broadcast, and online journalism, Kittle previously served as the executive director of Empower Wisconsin.