The Left Cancels More Words, Proving Once Again We Are Wasting Our Lives Listening To Mush-Brained Parasites

Here is the opening monologue of a satirical comedy. “The Andrew Klavan Show.“

In a stunningly courageous blow against racism — or possibly just a pitiable but somehow hilarious waste of time — the University of Southern California’s School of Social Work has decided to stop using the word “field.” A school notice stated that “We have decided to remove the term field from our curriculum” Because “phrases such as ‘going into the field’ or ‘field work’ may have connotations for descendants of slavery and immigrant workers that are not benign.”

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Oh, Klavan, you manic manufacturer of maniacal mayhem, sometimes your uproarious yet strangely seductive satire goes too far and becomes unbelievable by portraying leftists as subsisting at a level of amoeba-like stupidity virtually unimaginable in an even semi-sentient creature.”

This is not a lie. And I didn’t make that quote up either.

The Dean of the USC’s School of Social Work, Dr. Suzanne Amoeba, made the announcement at a press conference this week, between drooling and walking repeatedly into the same wall before figuring out a way to change direction. Dr. Amoeba stated, [quote] “From now on, instead of using the deeply racist word ‘field,’ we will use benign expressions like ‘that patch of grass over there,’ as in the sentence, ‘I might as well go and lay me down in that patch of grass over there because I’m never going to get a job with a meaningless degree in Social Work from USC.’” [unquote]

Stanford University is another group that is working in the emerging field of language reform. This once-respected institution of higher learning has now become a pile whitish rock with a sign that says “Stanford University”. “Stanford University.” Stanford residents want to eliminate such blatantly racist language. “white paper,” Because it implies that whiteness is synonymous with importance. The phrase will replace that phrase. “very important paper written by Caucasians.” They also want to eradicate sexist language “you guys” These words will be replaced by inoffensive words “It,” Like in the sentence “It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again.”

We at The Daily Wire don’t want to be left behind in this great march of progress. Therefore, we are working hard to get rid of offensive language.

Daily Wire writers won’t use this phrase, for example, starting now “mush-brained parasites who have contributed jack diddly squat to human thriving,” It could be offensive to Stanford and USC administrators by how they are described. We won’t use the word “wokesters” We will not use the term “political opponents” to describe them, but we will silently roll our eyes and point our thumbs in their direction while saying it. “morons.” When describing men who dress up as women and think they have therefore magically become women and want to force everyone to use the wrong pronoun to describe them so they don’t have to face the truth, we will STILL use the term “trans-sexual,” but we’ll try not to laugh when we say it and we’ll stop sneaking up behind them and making crazy-man faces while twirling our fingers next to our temples, unless we’re really drunk and the urge is simply irresistible. We will stop using the sexist and outdated word “sexist” “ladies” When referring to feminists, we will replace the term by “slovenly screech hags who ruin everything.”

Since the reform of language is progressive like Democrats and Emphysema and because all language has roots back in ancient history where EVERYONE (including Americans) was racist because there wasn’t yet America, we would eventually like to see all words removed from our common life so that people can communicate with non-racist grunts or gestures using sounds like “uh uh uh,” To translate: “I have a degree in Social Work from USC,” Or “Gah. Gah.” To translate: “I sure hope I can pay off this loan I had to take out to get through Stanford University, after which I might as well go and lay me down in that patch of grass over there and mourn the fact that I’ve wasted my life listening to mush-brained parasites who have contributed jack diddly squat to human thriving.”

Andrew Klavan What is the host of? “The Andrew Klavan Show” The Daily Wire. Klavan, a popular political satirist as well as a screenwriter for Hollywood, is also an award-winning novelist. You can order Klavan’s new novel now: A strange habit of mindBook 2 in the Cameron Winter Mystery Series is titled.

The opinions expressed in this satirical piece are the author’s and not necessarily those of The Daily Wire.