My Kids Are Alive Because Their Dad Fought For Them

When I was just 17 years old and pregnant with my third child, the doctor diagnosed my baby with Down syndrome. I already had two other kids and could not imagine having a baby with a disability, straining my thin resources even further. When I told my son’s father — my now-husband — that the doctor recommended abortion, he immediately spoke up and said, “No. That is not an option. I guess we are having a baby with Down Syndrome.”

Unlike Jesse Ridgway, a YouTuber who blasted his decision to end the life of his unborn baby, who was diagnosed with Down syndrome, all over the internet, my son’s father stepped up and fought for his child. 

This wasn’t even the first time the father of my children demonstrated the real meaning of fatherhood. 

I had my first baby when I was only 15 years old. Seeing that initial ultrasound shot a wave of terror through me and I knew there was no way I could make it work. I was a child myself. 

My then-boyfriend, now-husband, on the other hand, was steady and adamant that we were keeping the baby, although we were so young. He told me that if I didn’t want the baby, he would take her and raise her himself. He stepped into that gap between fear and the future and fought for that baby. 

My daughter would not be here today and I would not be a grandmother if her dad had not fought for her. He didn’t say whatever I wanted was okay with him. He supported me in the way that fathers need to do.  

When I received that Down Syndrome diagnosis for my third baby, terror struck again. I remember asking God, “Why me?” My life as I knew it was over, or at least it felt that way. When my son’s dad said that we were going to have and love our baby, I was scared and even angry with him. The only thing running through my mind was what my family was going to say, as if that was what really mattered. But when you’re afraid, you worry about what people will think. 

When my son was born, I had no idea what to expect. How would he look? What challenges would he face? What would our future be like? But my son, Jonathan, was born a healthy baby boy.

Looking back, I often think: What if he hadn’t spoken up? What if we had made a permanent decision based on a diagnosis that turned out to be wrong? 

I am eternally grateful to my husband for stepping up time and again and fighting for the lives of his children — our children. Too often, fathers today step back into the shadows, leaving the decision of whether or not to carry and nurture their child to their partner, who is facing difficult emotions and fears of her own.

When Jesse Ridgway and his wife announced their decision to abort their child those were my thoughts. The contrast between the father of my children and this YouTuber were so stark, yet so many men choose Jesse’s path instead of the harder one of supporting the mother of their children and taking responsibility for the life they helped to create.

I lead a ministry that helps women facing unplanned pregnancies in hard situations. Nearly every single one of them has had their partner step into the shadows instead of up to the plate. These women are dealing with abandonment, fear, and distrust. They need actual support, not just affirmation of their decision.

When there is a difficult prenatal diagnosis like Down Syndrome, it’s understandable that couples will turn to negativity or fear. But if we truly understood, we would see that every child is a gift. Don’t let fear make a decision that can never be reversed. 

Fathers are in an important position during pregnancy. They have the opportunity to embrace the man they were meant to be in this life and choose that amazing path of fatherhood or they can walk away from the gift, possibly making a decision that they will forever regret. 

When I think about my unusual path to motherhood and marriage, it’s the decisions of my husband that always stand out to me. It’s the times that he chose to fight rather than walk away. He knew what a gift a baby was, even if they weren’t perfect or born into the best circumstances. He knew that as a man, this was his calling.

Fathers, you and your decisions matter. Don’t be afraid to fight for your baby. Sometimes the greatest blessings come wrapped in the things we were once most afraid of.

To the dads who fought for their partners and for their babies, thank you for being true heroes.