Hunter Biden, Man of All the Ages

Readers of this fine publication are well-versed in the fantastical misadventures of America’s First Son, Hunter Biden.

Hunter was 2019’s Washington Free Beacon The Man of the Year is a title that should have been given for every year thereafter. And as much as he’s earned this year’s award, we just can’t bring ourselves to cheapen the prize by awarding him another trophy to toss in the back of his closet, next to the double-headed dildos and anal beads.

If we give him the title again, we’ll have to do it again in 2023, 2024, and beyond.

Because Hunter Biden is an amazing man.

He is the apex degenerate. Pure animal.

Hunter Biden is the only person who can consistently deliver the goods year after year to the secretive Man Of The Year selection committee.

We give up. We are done with all the deliberations. Hunter Biden is now and forever will remain the Washington Free Beacon The Man of All Years.

Hunter could not be stopped in 2022. The Laptop From Hell continues to bring the heat. There are crack smoking videos and the sex tapes with the footjob, as well as the texts and emails that go to the Big Guy. This list could go on and on. With the GOP poised for the House of Representatives to take power, 2023 will be another great year for our boy.

The Free Beacon has taken a lot of flak for these awards through the years—critics say we glorify the hedonism of our subjects and groom our readers for future derelict behavior. Sometimes they might have a point.

So, for this year and for all the years to come, we’ll chart a different course for Hunter Biden. We are honoring Hunter’s finest virtues, his honesty and his compassion.

Sure, Hunter may be selfish, but he’s also shown an enormous capacity for compassion. Hunter convinced his father to federally fund crack pipe He established distribution centers all across the country to allow his fellow crackheads easy accessibility to drug paraphernalia to sustain their alternative lifestyles.

The man, for all his mistakes, failures, and troubles, is also extremely honest. He is like George Washington.

Is he adamant that he has never denied spending huge amounts of money on drugs and hookers? No. No. No. No.