5 Awful Christmas Songs That Won’t Quit on the Radio
Five of the Worst Popular Christmas Songs That Radio Stations Won’t Stop Playing
“The Christmas Shoes,” by NewSong
Holiday-themed jingles are meant to evoke emotions and make you feel a certain way, but the problem with the melodramatic narrative found in “The Christmas Shoes” is the same one present in so many explicitly Christian entertainment efforts – it’s trying too hard.
The song was written by Christian vocal group NewSong members Eddie Carswell and Leonard Ahlstrom and was released in 2000. It became massively popular shortly after, reaching number 31 on the Billboard Hot Country Songs chart spending one week on the top spot of the Adult Contemporary chart.
The song features the narrator shopping on Christmas Eve when he encounters a young boy who wants to buy a pair of shoes for his terminally-ill mother but doesn’t have enough money. The poor little boy explains how he “want[s] her to look beautiful if mama meets Jesus tonight.”
The intent of the song is clear. Christmas shouldn’t be about materialism, but rather should focus on love, faith, and family. And while this song is despised by Leftists for being so-called “poverty porn” and presenting the wealthy narrator as being too self-congratulatory after giving the boy money for the shoes, the real problem with this song is the syrupy sentimentality that makes it embarrassingly cheesy rather than reflective.
“Wonderful Christmastime,” by Paul McCartney
This holiday staple from 1979 gets a lot of radio airtime even now, but it must be from people who are intentionally tuning out the lyrics. All it takes is a moment of contemplation to realize that this effort from a former Beatles band member is lazy, nonsensical, and outright bad.
Even setting aside the obnoxious synthesizers in the background, which is difficult to do, the overall message of the song makes zero sense.
The song begins,“The mood is right/The spirit’s up/We’re here tonight/And that’s enough.”
Then there’s the chorus: “Simply having a wonderful Christmastime. Simply having a wonderful Christmastime.”
Verse two isn’t any better. “The party’s on/The feeling’s here/That only comes/This time of year.”
The third verse isn’t even words, but is mostly noises. “The choir of children sing their song/Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding/Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh/Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh/Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.”
McCartney clearly didn’t put much effort into this one, yet it remains a popular play on all the holiday stations. The real question is, why?
“Do They Know It’s Christmas?,” by Band Aid
“Do They Know It’s Christmas?” is a charity song written in 1984 to raise money for the famine in Ethiopia. It was originally recorded by Band Aid, a group of popular British and Irish musicians including Bono, Phil Collins, Boy George, Paul McCartney, Sting, George Michael and several others.
It was written by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure after a series of reports on the African famine aired on the BBC, drawing more attention to the issue. The song succeeded in raising millions for the cause and was even re-recorded and repurposed for future issues, including an Ebola outbreak. But just raising money for a good cause doesn’t help fix its problems or explain why it’s still in such heavy rotation today.
The lyrics are a major part of the issue here, with “throw your arms around the world at Christmas time” and “Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you” standing out as some particularly egregious lines. Again, it makes no sense why this song has become such a popular Christmas song when it’s so strangely specific.
“Santa Baby,” by Eartha Kitt
For some reason, a slew of female vocalists feel compelled to record their own version of Eartha Kitt’s consumerist ode, “Santa Baby.”
The song is already eye roll inducing thanks to the overall sentiment. Kitt first released the song with Henri René and His Orchestra in 1953. The lyrics beg Santa to bring the singer a cache of ridiculously expensive gifts, including a sable, a convertible, a duplex, blank checks, a yacht, and the deed to a platinum mine.
It doesn’t help that each new version seems to up the ante on being more sexually suggestive than the last with each new singer breathily requesting for Santa to “hurry down the chimney tonight.”
Truly, the whole thing is a big “ick.”
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” by Jimmy Boyd
Listening to “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” as an adult is way different than listening to it as a child, which only becomes more painfully apparent as parents have to explain to their kids why this song isn’t abhorrent without giving the punch line away.
The song was originally recorded in 1952, though The Jackson 5’s 1970 version gets a lot of radio playtime. Young kids might wonder why a little boy is singing about his mother getting frisky under the mistletoe with a man she’s not married to and why everyone seems to find this so amusing.
Those in the know realize that Santa is (hopefully) the family patriarch and that husband and wife are just expressing some of their Christmas cheer while dad is dressed in a Santa suit. But for little kids, the whole concept is alarming. Especially when the narrator worries what his dad will do if/when he finds out.
Maybe this song would be less offensive decades ago before non-monogamy and promiscuity were celebrated. But in this degenerate age, this type of thing just isn’t that funny anymore.
What message should Christmas songs aim to convey, and how do these songs fall short of achieving that goal
Ont-weight: 400″>First released in 1953, this song features Kitt seductively crooning to Santa Claus about the lavish gifts she desires for Christmas, including a yacht, a convertible, and a platinum mine.
While some may argue that “Santa Baby” is a harmless and playful holiday tune, others find it to be cringe-worthy and materialistic. The incessant repetition of lines like “think of all the fun I’ve missed, think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed” only adds to the song’s questionable charm.
It’s baffling that radio stations continue to play this song year after year, as it promotes a shallow and materialistic view of the holiday season, rather than the message of love, generosity, and togetherness that Christmas is supposed to embody.
“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” by Gayla Peevey
Originally released in 1953, “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” quickly became a hit, and it has been tormenting listeners every holiday season ever since.
The song, sung by a child (Gayla Peevey) who is convinced that only a hippopotamus will do for her Christmas present, is incredibly repetitive and lacks any depth or meaningful message. Instead of focusing on the true spirit of Christmas, the song fixates on a child’s materialistic desire for an exotic pet.
While it may have been charming and whimsical when it was first released, the novelty has worn off over the years. It’s a wonder why radio stations continue to subject their listeners to this grating tune.
In conclusion, while Christmas songs are meant to bring joy and holiday spirit, some popular songs fall short of that goal. Whether it’s due to overly sentimental narratives, nonsensical lyrics, questionable messages, or repetitive tunes, these five Christmas songs prove to be some of the worst offenders. It’s time for radio stations to reconsider their playlists and focus on sharing songs that truly embody the magic and meaning of Christmas.
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