Signs You’re in a Banana Republic

So you woke up in a banana republic.

Welcome to the brave new world that is the Democrat Party’s Divided States of America. Where the people in power politically weaponize the institutions so dear to the preservation and promotion of representative democracy to hunt down and imprison their political enemies. Where kangaroo courts led by highly partisan judges host show trials to convict blind justice. Where Big Tech and corporate media oligarchs tell you what — and what not — to believe about the accusers and the accused.

Republic if you can keep it, Ben Franklin? What you and your fellow founders wrought has suddenly and sadly slipped into a banana republic.

But how can we be sure? The good Marxists at MSNBC inform us that Republicans have “responded to former President Donald Trump’s felony conviction with hysterics.” They insist that associating the term “banana republic” with the judiciously twisted guilty verdict handed down by a Trump-hating Manhattan jury is “deeply flawed.” The same apparently goes for the multiple other flailing attempts by President Joe Biden’s Justice Department and prosecutor allies to remove their political threat from the presidential race — and society. And if you believe your leaders are governing the most prosperous nation on the planet like a third world country, Biden and his accomplice media allies want you to know that you are a threat to democracy.

“It’s reckless, it’s dangerous, it’s irresponsible for anyone to say this was rigged just because they don’t like the verdict,” the old tyrant said at a Friday press conference. Following his warning, Biden offered a confused and creepy smile when a reporter asked whether he had a response to Trump’s description of himself as a political prisoner.

“Our justice system has endured for nearly 250 years, and it literally is the cornerstone of America,” Biden said. “We should never allow anyone to tear it down.”

You’ve been warned, my fellow banana republic Americans.

Is This a Banana Republic?

But just in case you’re still wondering, perhaps it’s time to go Jeff Foxworthy on the question. Something like, You might be living in a banana republic if your Manhattan Uber driver tells you what your show trial verdict is before the case goes to trial.

To further assist, here are the top 10 ways to know whether you are living in a banana republic.

10. The political show trial jury is sequestered at The New York Times’ editorial board suite.

9. The presiding judge repeatedly shouts, “Orange Man Bad!” during jury instructions.

8. Your president rubs his withered white hands together and sinisterly declares, “Excellent!” after his political opponent is found guilty of illegally crafted charges.

7. The prosecutor has “Act Blue” tattooed on his rear end.

6. Michael Cohen is presented as an honest man.

5. An adult film prostitute and possible extortionist is presented as a “victim.”

4. The executive mansion looks more like Tony Montana’s cocaine palace.

3. Show trial witnesses are instructed to point to a doll and tell the courtroom exactly where Donald Trump hurt their feelings.

2. Recess is called for father-daughter showers.

1. Even Haiti says, “Whoa, dude! That’s messed up.”