{"id":971521,"date":"2021-11-05T09:58:38","date_gmt":"2021-11-05T13:58:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=971521"},"modified":"2021-11-05T09:58:40","modified_gmt":"2021-11-05T13:58:40","slug":"eternals-review-woke-is-the-least-of-this-marvel-movies-problems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/eternals-review-woke-is-the-least-of-this-marvel-movies-problems\/","title":{"rendered":"&#039;Eternals&#039; Review: Woke Is the Least of This Marvel Movie&#039;s Problems"},"content":{"rendered":"<aside class=\"mashsb-container mashsb-main mashsb-stretched\"><div class=\"mashsb-box\"><div class=\"mashsb-count mash-medium\" style=\"&quot;\"><div class=\"counts mashsbcount\">22<\/div><span class=\"mashsb-sharetext\">SHARES<\/span><\/div><div class=\"mashsb-buttons\"><a class=\"mashicon-facebook mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.conservativenewsdaily.net%2Fbreaking-news%2Feternals-review-woke-is-the-least-of-this-marvel-movies-problems%2F\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-twitter mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=&amp;url=https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=971521&amp;via=ConservNewsDly\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Twitter<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-subscribe mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"#\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Subscribe<\/span><\/a><div class=\"onoffswitch2 mash-medium mashsb-noshadow\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                <div style=\"clear:both\"><\/div><\/aside>\n            <!-- Share buttons by mashshare.net - Version: 4.0.47--><p class=\"subheading\"><em>Eternals<\/em>, the latest from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, is a dreadful mix of <em>Matrix Reloaded<\/em> (2003) and <em>Justice League<\/em> (2017).<\/p>\n<p>Because there are so many sequels and prequels and director cuts and reimaginings, that comparison might be confusing, so I\u2019ll be clearer. <em>Matrix Reloaded<\/em> is the second <em>Matrix <\/em>movie. &nbsp;<em>Justice League<\/em> is the first <em>Justice League <\/em>movie, not the 287-hour <em>Zack Snyder\u2019s Justice League<\/em> released in March.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"D-ROS-B1\" class=\"a8d\"><\/figure>\n<figure id=\"M-ROS-B1\" class=\"a8d\"><\/figure>\n<figure id=\"gmxrevmore\" class=\"H\"><\/figure>\n<p>Okay, so what I mean is this\u2026 Remember all the confusing mumbo-jumbo in <em>Matrix Reloaded<\/em>? The interminable plot explanations filled with words like \u201cergo?\u201d <em>Eternals <\/em>is a lot like that. Even the explanatory text that opens the movie had me scratching my head. From there\u2026 Holy moly. <em>Ergo, ergo, ergo, ergo<\/em>\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Okay, so remember <em>Justice League<\/em>? Not the Zack Snyder one, the first one? Remember all the awkward banter we were supposed to find charming and humanizing? Remember how none of the characters gelled together or had any chemistry? <em>Eternals <\/em>is definitely like that.<\/p>\n<p>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"\u201cRun!\u201d Official Clip | Marvel Studios\u2019 Eternals\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/n3qsQgMhndc?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/p>\n<figure id=\"M-ROS-B2\" class=\"a8d\"><\/figure>\n<p>This might not be something moviegoers register, but we do forgive a lot, even a weak script, if we find the characters appealing and the actors have chemistry\u2014you know, if the relationships work. That\u2019s what sinks <em>Eternals<\/em>. Not for a moment do you believe these people have spent thousands of years together or that they have any kind of history. The movie is desperate to recreate what made the <em>Avengers<\/em> so marvelous, which was just the joy of seeing the band hang out together. The writing, the performances, the charisma of the actors\u2026 <em>The Avengers<\/em> clicked. The <em>Eternals<\/em> never come close, and sometimes it\u2019s so forced, it\u2019s painful to watch.<\/p>\n<p>Also painful to watch is the cinematography. The movie is receiving all kinds of love for how beautiful it is. Well, I found it gray and bleak and oppressive.<\/p>\n<p>Now I\u2019m going to share something I found strange and distracting\u2026 Angelina Jolie.<\/p>\n<p>The movie\u2019s star is Gemma Chan, who plays an Eternal named Sersi. Don\u2019t get me wrong, Gemma Chan is plenty cute, but whenever she\u2019s on-screen with Jolie, I kept looking over her shoulder for Jolie. Why is Gemma Chan the star of a movie that has Angelina Jolie in it? Why is Jolie \u2014 one of our last remaining movie stars, a true talent who blows everyone else off the screen \u2014 always off to the side or standing behind a bunch of not-very-charismatic actors who have a television rather than movie presence?<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_18620810\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\" readability=\"36\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/GettyImages-1348675474.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-18620810\" src=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/GettyImages-1348675474.jpg\" alt=\"ROME, ITALY - OCTOBER 24: (L-R) Victoria Alonso, Kit Harington, Richard Madden, Gemma Chan and Angelina Jolie attend the official premiere of the movie &quot;Eternals&quot; during the 16th Rome Film Fest 2021 on October 24, 2021 in Rome, Italy. (Photo by Antonio Masiello\/Getty Images for RFF)\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>Gemma Chan and Angelina Jolie attend the official premiere of the movie \u201cEternals\u201d during the 16th Rome Film Fest 2021 on October 24, 2021 in Rome, Italy. (Photo by Antonio Masiello\/Getty Images for RFF)<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>I kept waiting for everyone to die, so Jolie could assume center stage and lift this dud into something that at least felt like a movie, as opposed to a television movie.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"M-ROS-B3\" class=\"a8d adSo\"><\/figure>\n<p>Is this someone\u2019s idea of equity? Shoving a real movie star to the background so a BIPOC (whatever that means) can be the star?<\/p>\n<p>Also, Jolie\u2019s character kept spazzing out for reasons no <em>ergo<\/em> could ever make sense of.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"D-ROS-B2\" class=\"a8d\"><\/figure>\n<p>Another big problem is the movie\u2019s structure, which is weighted down with unnecessary flashbacks that do nothing to advance the story. The main story, which takes place in the present and has something to do with saving the earth (natch), isn\u2019t all that hot. Even so, all the momentum-killing trips back in time to offer up plot points \u2014 that a line or two of exposition could\u2019ve handled \u2014 unnecessarily add to the runtime of a 157-minute movie that already has pacing problems.<\/p>\n<p>****MINOR SPOILERS*****<\/p>\n<p>The plot also twists itself into a nonsensical pretzel. Get this; the Eternals are sent to earth by a Celestial (don\u2019t ask) to protect earthlings from the Deviants. During the worst of the ergo-ergo-ergo scenes, we learn that there\u2019s a nefarious reason for this. The Celestials (please don\u2019t ask) aren\u2019t saving earthlings out of altruism. The truth is that they need the earthlings for some kind of birthing fuel or something. Ah, but then we\u2019re told the Eternals are under strict orders to stay out of human events. It\u2019s even against the rules to stop wars that kill millions or have the potential to kill everyone. Why? Because, uhm, wars result in the creation of technology, ergo technology results in a higher standard of living and more people!<\/p>\n<figure id=\"M-ROS-B4\" class=\"a8d adSo\"><\/figure>\n<p>Have you ever heard of anything so stupid in your life?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like a little kid making up the plot as he goes along\u2026<\/p>\n<blockquote readability=\"39\">\n<p>CHILD: But the Celestials don\u2019t really care about people, they just need them for fuel! Is that cool, or what!<\/p>\n<p>ADULT: Okay, but then why don\u2019t the Eternals stop the wars that kill so many people?<\/p>\n<p>CHILD: Uh, because-because-because wars advance technology and technology means more people. See?<\/p>\n<p>ADULT: Okay, but then why didn\u2019t the Eternals stop Thanos from wiping out half the population?<\/p>\n<p>CHILD: Well, that was onaccounta, uhm.. Well, there are rules and stuff and ergo I hope you get hit by a train.<\/p>\n<p>ADULT: I have more questions.<\/p>\n<p>CHILD: Fine.<\/p>\n<p>ADULT: If the idea is to save as many humans as possible, why does that Eternal melt down like a girl over Hiroshima, when we know dropping those two atomic bombs saved many times the lives that were lost, including Japanese lives?<\/p>\n<p>CHILD: Why don\u2019t you shut your stupid face.<\/p>\n<p>ADULT: If the Eternals are created by the Celestials, why is one deaf?<\/p>\n<p>CHILD: Your face is stupid.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>This is one dumb movie.<\/p>\n<p>****END MINOR SPOILERS****<\/p>\n<p>The only thing I appreciated about <em>Eternals<\/em> was that the man-on-man kiss was telegraphed enough in advance I had plenty of time to cover my eyes.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Follow John Nolte on Twitter <\/em><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/NolteNC\"><strong><em>@NolteNC<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong>. <em>Follow his Facebook Page <\/em><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/JohnNolteNC\/?skip_nax_wizard=true\"><strong><em>here<\/em><\/strong><\/a><strong><em>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Eternals, the latest from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, is a dreadful mix of Matrix Reloaded (2003) and Justice League (2017). Because there are so many sequels and prequels and director &#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":2315279,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","fifu_image_url":"","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-971521","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/971521","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=971521"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/971521\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2315279"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=971521"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=971521"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=971521"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}