{"id":2266450,"date":"2024-06-12T20:33:02","date_gmt":"2024-06-13T00:33:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/covenant-journal-revealed-shooter-said-being-female-was-a-fing-curse-that-shed-kill-to-have-had-puberty-blockers-2\/"},"modified":"2024-06-12T20:35:49","modified_gmt":"2024-06-13T00:35:49","slug":"covenant-journal-revealed-shooter-said-being-female-was-a-fing-curse-that-shed-kill-to-have-had-puberty-blockers-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/covenant-journal-revealed-shooter-said-being-female-was-a-fing-curse-that-shed-kill-to-have-had-puberty-blockers-2\/","title":{"rendered":"COVENANT JOURNAL EXPOSED: Shooter Cursed Her Female Identity, Wished for Puberty Blockers to Avoid Killing"},"content":{"rendered":"<aside class=\"mashsb-container mashsb-main mashsb-stretched\"><div class=\"mashsb-box\"><div class=\"mashsb-count mash-medium\" style=\"&quot;\"><div class=\"counts mashsbcount\">30<\/div><span class=\"mashsb-sharetext\">SHARES<\/span><\/div><div class=\"mashsb-buttons\"><a class=\"mashicon-facebook mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.conservativenewsdaily.net%2Fbreaking-news%2Fcovenant-journal-revealed-shooter-said-being-female-was-a-fing-curse-that-shed-kill-to-have-had-puberty-blockers-2%2F\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-twitter mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=&amp;url=https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=2266450&amp;via=ConservNewsDly\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Twitter<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-subscribe mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"#\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Subscribe<\/span><\/a><div class=\"onoffswitch2 mash-medium mashsb-noshadow\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                <div style=\"clear:both\"><\/div><\/aside>\n            <!-- Share buttons by mashshare.net - Version: 4.0.47--><p>The Covenant School shooter detailed in her private journal her \u200cintense struggles with gender identity and resentment toward her upbringing in a strict Christian environment. Recovered by authorities after the \u200dtragic incident \u2064that led to six deaths on March 27, 2023, the shooter&#8217;s writings\u2062 reveal a profound dissatisfaction with being born female and a desperate longing to be male, expressed through fantasies about possessing male genitalia and\u200c a deep anger toward societal and \u200cfamilial barriers that \u2064prevented her from transitioning. These journal entries, sourced by The Daily Wire, illustrate the shooter&#8217;s \u2063emotional turmoil leading up to the attack, particularly her discontent with the Christian practices forced upon her by her parents, which she vehemently\u200b opposed.\u200c Furthermore, her anger was\u2063 directed at the\u2063 lack of access to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/60-minutes-runs-explosive-segment-featuring-young-transgender-individuals-who-decided-to-reverse-course\/\" title=\"60 Minutes Runs Explosive Segment Featuring Young Transgender Individuals Who Decided To Reverse Course\">gender-affirming treatments<\/a> such as puberty blockers, which she believed would have alleviated her distress. The shooter&#8217;s writings also show\u200b an undercurrent of mental health issues, with references \u2064to feeling like \u201cthe most unhappy boy alive\u201d and frequent thoughts of death, suggesting a complex interplay of gender dysphoria, societal rejection, and \u2064psychological pain that culminated in the violent act at\u200c the Covenant \u200dSchool.  <\/p>\n<p class=\"readmore\">\n    <button onclick=\"showReadMore()\" id=\"readmorebtn\">Read more&#8230;<\/button>\n<\/p>\n<hr id=\"line\">\n<span id=\"more\"><\/p>\n<p><i>WARNING: The below story includes graphic and disturbing content written by the shooter responsible for six deaths at the Covenant School on March 27, 2023.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>The Covenant School shooter obsessed in her private journal over her desire to be a man, fantasizing about having an \u201cimaginary penis\u201d and lamenting that so<a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/covenant-journal-revealed-shooter-said-being-female-was-a-fing-curse-that-shed-kill-to-have-had-puberty-blockers\/\" title=\"COVENANT JOURNAL EXPOSED: Shooter Cursed Being Female, Wished for Puberty Blockers to 'Kill' for\">-called gender affirming treatments weren\u2019<\/a>t available to her, according to images of her journal obtained by The Daily Wire.<\/p>\n<p>The shooter\u2019s handwritten journals, recovered by authorities at the scene of her deadly attack, have been hidden from the public for more than a year now, leaving unresolved questions about her motive to attack the private Christian school in March 2023. Images obtained by The Daily Wire from a source familiar with the Covenant investigation provide perhaps the most thorough illustration of her mental state in the days leading up to the shooting.<\/p>\n<p>The images, first <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/episode\/ep-1385-we-have-some-of-the-covenant-shooter-s-writings-here-s-what-they-say\">revealed Wednesday by Daily Wire host Matt Walsh<\/a>, show the shooter was driven in part by anger over her gender identity as she wrote a three-page journal entry called \u201cMy Imaginary Penis.\u201d The journal entries from March 11, 2023 \u2014 less than three weeks before the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/news\/nashville-christian-school-shooter-identified-as-transgender-authorities\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">transgender-identifying shooter\u2019s horrific attack<\/a> \u2014 reveal both a fixation on her desire to be a man and anger at forces she believed stood in her way, including Christianity and her parents.<\/p>\n<p>Fragments of the below journal entries have been reported on by the Tennessee Star, but this is the first publication of those pages in full.<\/p>\n<div class=\"mceTemp\"><\/div>\n<div id=\"attachment_750003\" style=\"width: 730px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\">\n<p id=\"caption-attachment-750003\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Image of Covenant School shooter\u2019s journal obtained by The Daily Wire<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>The first entry that appears is fashioned as a letter to someone named \u201cPaige.\u201d It is unclear exactly who this is, though Paige is also the name of a woman the shooter played basketball with as a child who detailed to <a href=\"https:\/\/abcnews.go.com\/US\/friend-contacted-authorities-after-speaking-nashville-shooter-audrey\/story?id=98182991\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">ABC News<\/a> how the shooter had long been infatuated with her. Paige called authorities after the shooter messaged her on the morning before her attack.<\/p>\n<p>The journal entry reveals disdain for Christianity, and specifically her parents\u2019 alleged attempts to maintain religion in her life.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s total ignorance when parents step in and try to change their child\u2019s environment,\u201d the shooter wrote. \u201cMake them go to youth group and force Christian friends in their life because the old ones were a \u2018bad\u2019 influence, I can\u2019t f***ing stand that sh**.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cParents actually believe religion can change nature,\u201d the shooter wrote. \u201cThat could explain why I don\u2019t practice religion anymore. Let kids think for themselves, listening to parents does no damned good but to mold their premature minds into a pre-formatted program.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Officials have denied that there was evidence suggesting that The Covenant School, a private Christian school that the shooter attended as a child, was targeted because of animus toward religion. The mentions of Christianity, which appear throughout the journal entries, suggest that it certainly may have been a factor.<\/p>\n<p>The remainder of the four pages, however, revolves around the shooter\u2019s fixation on being a man, and suggests a serious case of gender dysphoria. She fantasized about what it would be like to have a penis.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI want to know what that\u2019s like, but I never will because I was damned to be born this way,\u201d she wrote in the journal. \u201cI swear to f*** I hate it so goddamned much. It\u2019s a f***ing curse.\u201d<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_750007\" style=\"width: 730px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\">\n<p id=\"caption-attachment-750007\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Image of Covenant School shooter\u2019s journal obtained by The Daily Wire<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>The journal entry shows both anger at living through the \u201ctorture of being raised a girl,\u201d as well as at her mother and \u201cpeople in this world\u201d for not accepting that she could change genders. She complains that for much of her life she \u201cactually believed\u201d she \u201chad to deal with it\u201d \u2014 until she learned that changing genders was \u201cpossible.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat didn\u2019t last long after <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/top-san-francisco-high-school-ended-merit-based-admissions-policy-in-the-semester-since-more-students-received-failing-grades\/\" title=\"Top San Francisco High School Ended Merit-Based Admissions Policy. In The Semester Since, More Students Received Failing Grades.\">high school ended<\/a> and no longer had to fear of being called a dyke or a fa**ot,\u201d she writes. \u201cIt was only until my early 20s I finally found the answer \u2014 that changing one\u2019s gender is possible, and who I really was I finally embraced to show.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>After more than a year of a near total lockdown on materials relating to the shooter, a flood of documents has come out in recent weeks. The leaked images further undermine official claims that there was no focus in her so-called manifesto about \u201cspecific political, religious, or social issues.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Much of her anger was directed at her inability to get the treatments such as puberty blockers made available to children today.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cChildren who were able to successfully take puberty blockers and never enter a tortured puberty, those little fa**ots don\u2019t know how good they f***ing have it,\u201d the shooter wrote. \u201cI\u2019d kill to have parents who would let their child be happy no matter how different it is to their viewpoints or dont agree or scared of it. They are willing to listen to their children, not the other way around. I\u2019d kill to have those resources.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She blamed not only her parents, but also their Christianity, the journal reveals.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cF*** parents like them who think of themselves first, and their preference of conservative religion,\u201d the shooter writes in the entry on her imaginary penis.<\/p>\n<p>She said in the journal that puberty was a \u201clife sentence for her.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA bare flat chest made me free. Girl puberty imprisoned me. And so does my mind. Puberty=life sentence. The people in this world adds more bullets to shoot violent thoughts into my head on full-auto.<b>\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n<p>Aside from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/news\/nashville-shooter-decried-crackers-and-white-privilege-leaked-manifesto-pages-reveal\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">three pages<\/a> from her writings released last November by conservative commentator Steven Crowder, there has been a blackout of all materials that could provide insight into why she opened fire at the Christian school. Those pages showed the shooter rage about \u201cwhite privilege\u201d and state that she wanted to kill \u201ccrackers going to private fancy schools.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That blackout appears to be due to a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/news\/fbi-told-nashville-police-release-of-school-shooter-writings-would-lead-to-conspiracy-theories-inaccurate-info\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">newly reported memo by the FBI<\/a>, in which the federal intelligence agency warned Nashville police that releasing her writings could result in \u201cfalse narratives\u201d that \u201cmay lead to unintended consequences for the segment of the population more vulnerable or open to conspiracy theories.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The Tennessee Star <a href=\"https:\/\/tennesseestar.com\/justice\/audrey-hale-wrote-political-rant-about-guns-and-transgenderism-one-month-before-covenant-school-attack\/tpappert\/2024\/06\/05\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">revealed<\/a> last Wednesday, however, that it had reviewed nearly four dozen images of the shooter\u2019s writings \u2014 including the entry on her \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/tennesseestar.com\/justice\/covenant-killer-audrey-hale-wrote-3-pages-in-journal-about-my-imaginary-penis\/tpappert\/2024\/06\/06\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">imaginary penis<\/a>.\u201d Fox 17, a local Nashville outlet, also <a href=\"https:\/\/fox17.com\/news\/local\/two-pages-of-covenant-shooters-audrey-hale-writings-released-to-fox-17-by-tennessee-star-nashville-green-hills-middle-tennessee-crime-metro-nashville-police\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">published<\/a> an image from the journal on Monday afternoon, in which she refers to herself as the \u201cmost unhappy boy alive\u201d and confesses to thinking of \u201cdeath a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In addition to the journal entries, The Tennessee Star has reported that the Metro Nashville Police Department sought a search warrant for records from the Vanderbilt University Medical Center, where the shooter had been a patient of mental health professionals for 22 years, according to an affidavit published by the Star last week. Vanderbilt has declined to answer questions about what kind of treatment she was receiving, including whether it was treating her apparent gender dysphoria. Vanderbilt did not respond to a request for comment.<\/p>\n<p>Also revealed last week is the <a href=\"https:\/\/tennesseestar.com\/justice\/she-wanted-to-kill-you-99-7-wtns-brian-wilson-plays-police-interview-of-covenant-shooters-parents\/mgiffin\/2024\/06\/07\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">recording of police interviewing<\/a> the shooter\u2019s parents, revealing to them that the shooter \u201cwanted to kill\u201d them. The investigators also ask the parents about her treatment at Vanderbilt.<\/p>\n<p>She wrote in the journal that \u201cpuberty already hit\u201d before puberty blockers were a medical possibility for her. It\u2019s unclear where she learned this, or what the medical information her belief is based on. In the same entry, she also describes herself as having an \u201cautistic brain.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019d kill to have those resources; 2007 was the birth of puberty blockers and a newfound discovery for treatment of non-conforming transgender children. 2007 was when I was in the 6th grade. Puberty already hit me,\u201d she wrote. \u201cThe only reason I could conclude why it didn\u2019t bother me too much is that my boobs were small. I thought they\u2019d stay that way forever. My autistic brain \u2026 change in body f**ked me over now, even if my boobs are still small for the most part.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Elsewhere in the journal entry she describes at length graphic sexual games she would play with her stuffed animals, fantasizing that she was the boy performing sex acts on a girl doll. The margins of her journal entries are filled with immature sexual drawings.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI can pretend to be them and do the things boys do and experience my boy self as Tony \u2014 my stuffed boy doll is like the boy I am in another form since childhood,\u201d she writes in the journal. \u201cI constructed him a penis, then got out my girl doll named Ashley (who is Tony\u2019s life-long boyfriend) to have sex w\/ Tony. Ashley was represented as my dream girl I wished to have in real life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The Daily Wire is not naming the shooter. Nashville police did not respond to a request for comment on the journal entries.<\/p>\n<p>Walsh, after revealing the images on his show, addressed the FBI\u2019s blackout demand, as well as Vanderbilt\u2019s refusal to respond to questions about its years-long treatment of the shooter, calling the lack of transparency a \u201cnational scandal.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cContrary to what the FBI said, it\u2019s the absence of transparency that leads to \u2018false narratives\u2019 like the ones we\u2019ve seen in the last year about the Covenant shooting,\u201d said Walsh. The point of transparency, he underscored, is not to \u201cdemonize\u201d or \u201cmarginalize\u201d anyone, but to \u201cgive the public the information it has a right to know \u2014 and to likely save people\u2019s lives in the process.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>A Tennessee judge is set to rule in the coming weeks on whether Nashville police must release the shooter\u2019s writings. The Tennessee Star, which has reported on the contents of several of the pages, is the plaintiff in the case, arguing for their full release.<\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>WARNING: The following content contains graphic details from the Covenant School shooter&#8217;s journal, describing her obsession with gender identity and disturbing fantasies. She expressed deep frustration over inaccessible gender-affirming treatments before the March 27, 2023, tragedy that resulted in six deaths<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":207,"featured_media":2266451,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/dw-wp-production.imgix.net\/2023\/03\/GettyImages-1249665623-scaled-e1680012856164.jpg","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[541],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2266450","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-daily-wire"],"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/dw-wp-production.imgix.net\/2023\/03\/GettyImages-1249665623-scaled-e1680012856164.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2266450","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/207"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2266450"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2266450\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2266451"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2266450"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2266450"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2266450"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}