{"id":2219831,"date":"2024-04-12T20:36:02","date_gmt":"2024-04-13T00:36:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/here-comes-the-2024-election-like-a-rocket-blazing-toward-america\/"},"modified":"2024-04-12T20:40:38","modified_gmt":"2024-04-13T00:40:38","slug":"here-comes-the-2024-election-like-a-rocket-blazing-toward-america","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/here-comes-the-2024-election-like-a-rocket-blazing-toward-america\/","title":{"rendered":"Get ready for the 2024 Election, racing towards America like a blazing rocket"},"content":{"rendered":"<aside class=\"mashsb-container mashsb-main mashsb-stretched\"><div class=\"mashsb-box\"><div class=\"mashsb-count mash-medium\" style=\"&quot;\"><div class=\"counts mashsbcount\">26<\/div><span class=\"mashsb-sharetext\">SHARES<\/span><\/div><div class=\"mashsb-buttons\"><a class=\"mashicon-facebook mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.conservativenewsdaily.net%2Fbreaking-news%2Fhere-comes-the-2024-election-like-a-rocket-blazing-toward-america%2F\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-twitter mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=&amp;url=https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=2219831&amp;via=ConservNewsDly\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Twitter<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-subscribe mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"#\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Subscribe<\/span><\/a><div class=\"onoffswitch2 mash-medium mashsb-noshadow\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                <div style=\"clear:both\"><\/div><\/aside>\n            <!-- Share buttons by mashshare.net - Version: 4.0.47--><p>The <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/media-love-reproductive-choice-until-women-choose-to-stop-taking-the-pill\/\" title=\"Media supports reproductive choice until women opt to discontinue using contraception\">summary discusses<\/a> \u2062the approaching November \u200delection and contrasts the perspectives on the candidates, issues, and their stances. It humorously compares Joe Biden and Donald Trump, touching on topics like abortion and the Middle East conflict. The author&#8217;s satirical tone highlights the\u2062 unique qualities of each candidate while entertainingly critiquing their positions and attributes. The summary humorously\u200b contrasts Joe Biden and Donald Trump regarding their perspectives on the approaching November election, candidates, and issues like abortion and the Middle East conflict. Through satire, the author artfully \u2063critiques and highlights the distinct qualities of each candidate, offering a\u2062 lighthearted\u2062 take on their stances and attributes.  <\/p>\n<p class=\"readmore\">\n    <button onclick=\"showReadMore()\" id=\"readmorebtn\">Read more&#8230;<\/button>\n<\/p>\n<hr id=\"line\">\n<span id=\"more\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">As the November election rockets toward us like a rocket that will explode and scatter our bodies and possibly even our souls over a gore-spattered kill-zone that used to be America until it was hit by a rocket, it\u2019s time for us to ask ourselves: what are the choices we should be thinking about as we writhe in a strangling paroxysm of mutual hatred and rage until we\u2019re hit by the November election as if it were a rocket?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">First, there\u2019s the candidates themselves. On one side, we have Joe Biden. And hey, let\u2019s say something positive about our president. I mean, sure, he\u2019s a lifeless body that\u2019s been horrifically re-animated for political gain, but at least he doesn\u2019t eat people\u2019s brains, so it\u2019s better than having an actual zombie in the White House, although that might be kind of cool, too, like, if he was shuffling aimlessly around the Rose Garden muttering incoherently with his <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/tennis-australias-ebden-and-purcell-channel-woodies-to-win-wimbledon-doubles-crown\/\" title=\"Tennis-Australia\u2019s Ebden and Purcell channel Woodies to win Wimbledon doubles crown\">mouth hanging open<\/a> and his eyes glazed \u2014 but then he\u2019s doing that already, so you get all the great zombie effects without the actual eating of brains. So hooray for Joe Biden.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">On the other side, you have Donald Trump. And of course, there are plenty of positive things to say about Donald Trump. We know that because he\u2019s said most of them. Which proves he\u2019s still alive, so at least he\u2019s not Joe Biden.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Then there are the issues. And yes, I don\u2019t care what they are either, but let\u2019s take a look anyway.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/show\/the-andrew-klavan-show\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show<\/a><\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Number One, there\u2019s abortion. Joe Biden is a devout Catholic so of course he believes in a blood-drenched mass slaughter of millions of innocent babies up to and including the moment of their birth, after which they can be mutilated into flesh costumes of the opposite sex to appease the insane academic theories of sexual perverts, because Joe Biden is just so devout. Donald Trump believes that abortion should be left to the will of the people, so it could be like a TV game show where you hold up a baby and people give a thumbs up or a thumbs down and if it\u2019s thumbs down, too bad for the baby, but he gets the board game version to take home as a consolation prize.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Then there\u2019s the war in the Middle East. For Joe Biden, this is a matter of principle, and as soon as his base tells him what his principles are, he will <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/cruz-responds-to-protests-in-cuba-communist-cuban-regime-will-be-consigned-to-dustbin-of-history\/\" title=\"Cruz Responds To Protests In Cuba: \u2018Communist Cuban Regime Will Be Consigned To Dustbin Of History\u2019\">stand squarely<\/a> with Israel until that upsets the blood-thirsty pro-terrorist leftists who want to destroy Israel as a prelude to destroying America, then he\u2019ll stand squarely with them. Donald Trump, on the other hand, is a friend to Israel, he just doesn\u2019t want to say so too loudly, because that might upset the part of his base that\u2019s a group of blood-thirsty pro-terrorist rightists who want to destroy Israel because that\u2019s where the Jews are, and what good have Jews ever done besides developing aspirin, curing polio, building the bomb that defeated the Japanese in World War II and creating the American movie industry and musical comedy and quantum science and, okay, they also make great bespoke suits and wrote the Bible. But other than that, screw that, groypers know how to type in all caps.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">And of course there\u2019s the economy. Joe Biden believes he\u2019s done a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/president-trump-nevada-judge-orders-inspection-of-election-equipment-in-clark-county\/\" title=\"President Trump: Nevada Judge Orders Inspection of Election Equipment in Clark County\">great job<\/a> with the economy because he\u2019s a shuffling, muttering zombie-like creature who doesn\u2019t know what the hell\u2019s going on, which is actually kind of comical until you have to spend your rent money to buy eggs. Donald Trump actually built a great economy during his first term but then he let it die when Anthony Fauci ran through the oval office with his hair on fire as he screamed, \u201cEveryone\u2019s going to die from Covid unless we kill the economy.\u201d So if Trump wins reelection, my recommendation is that he reverse the process and set Fauci on fire first. Then he can build the economy and also cook up some smores, which are awfully good.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">So that\u2019s my incisive look at the candidates and issues in the upcoming election. You might want to print this out and take it with you into the voting booth, so when the rocket hits it won\u2019t come as a complete surprise.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>* * *<\/p>\n<p><em>Andrew Klavan is the host of \u201cThe Andrew Klavan Show\u201d at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/House-Death-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries-ebook\/dp\/B0BW1ZTVP9?ref_=ast_author_dp\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The House of Love and Death<\/a>,\u201d is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>This excerpt is taken from the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/as-russia-tries-to-conquer-ukraine-deviants-try-to-conquer-everybody\/\" title=\"As Russia Tries To Conquer Ukraine, Deviants Try To Conquer Everybody\">opening satirical monologue<\/a> of \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/episode\/ep-1176-video-game-america\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The Andrew Klavan Show<\/a>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The upcoming November election approaches rapidly, resembling a rocket hurtling towards us, prompting deep reflection. It\u2019s crucial to contemplate the choices ahead, considering the impact on our nation&#8217;s future. Let&#8217;s engage in thoughtful consideration as we navigate these critical decisions for America&#8217;s path forward<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":641,"featured_media":2219832,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/dw-wp-production.imgix.net\/2024\/04\/GettyImages-1195765597-copy.jpeg","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[541],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2219831","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-daily-wire"],"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/dw-wp-production.imgix.net\/2024\/04\/GettyImages-1195765597-copy.jpeg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2219831","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/641"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2219831"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2219831\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2219832"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2219831"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2219831"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2219831"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}