{"id":2034003,"date":"2023-09-15T21:17:01","date_gmt":"2023-09-16T01:17:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/white-house-opens-new-department-of-the-president-is-fine\/"},"modified":"2023-09-15T21:19:28","modified_gmt":"2023-09-16T01:19:28","slug":"white-house-opens-new-department-of-the-president-is-fine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/white-house-opens-new-department-of-the-president-is-fine\/","title":{"rendered":"White House Launches New Department for President&#8217;s Well-being"},"content":{"rendered":"<aside class=\"mashsb-container mashsb-main mashsb-stretched\"><div class=\"mashsb-box\"><div class=\"mashsb-count mash-medium\" style=\"&quot;\"><div class=\"counts mashsbcount\">16<\/div><span class=\"mashsb-sharetext\">SHARES<\/span><\/div><div class=\"mashsb-buttons\"><a class=\"mashicon-facebook mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.conservativenewsdaily.net%2Fbreaking-news%2Fwhite-house-opens-new-department-of-the-president-is-fine%2F\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-twitter mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=&amp;url=https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=2034003&amp;via=ConservNewsDly\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Twitter<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-subscribe mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"#\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Subscribe<\/span><\/a><div class=\"onoffswitch2 mash-medium mashsb-noshadow\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                <div style=\"clear:both\"><\/div><\/aside>\n            <!-- Share buttons by mashshare.net - Version: 4.0.47--><h2>The President is Fine:\u2062 A Satirical\u200b Take on White House News<\/h2>\n<p>The White House Press Office has recently unveiled a brand \u2062new department called &#8220;The Department\u200b of The \u200bPresident is Fine.&#8221; This groundbreaking announcement was featured on the \u200dfront page of the New York Times, in an\u2063 article titled &#8220;The President\u2064 is Fine.&#8221; According\u2064 to the\u200d report, this \u2062department&#8217;s main objective is to convince\u2062 the public that the president is perfectly fine, despite clear evidence to \u2063the contrary.<\/p>\n<p>The need for this\u2063 department became apparent when the president\u2064 failed to\u2063 attend the September 11th memorial at\u2063 Ground Zero.\u200d His excuse? \u200bHe couldn&#8217;t remember \u200bthe date of September 11th. Instead, \u200bhe found himself in Hanoi, where he went\u2064 on a nonsensical rant about a phrase from a John Wayne movie. The Department\u2062 of The President is Fine quickly issued a \u2062statement clarifying that the president had actually intended to \u200cramble about a different movie altogether. So, rest assured, the president is fine.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><em>&#8220;The President is fine,<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>The President is fine,<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>They say that he&#8217;s demented,<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>But the charges \u2063are invented,<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>His condition is benign.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>And though this exit is abrupt,<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>That doesn&#8217;t mean that he&#8217;s corrupt.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>The President is Fine.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>After his eventful time in Hanoi, the \u2064president made his way \u200dto\u2062 Alaska, where he decided \u2062to commemorate \u200bSeptember\u200b 11th\u2063 by giving\u200b the Iranian Islamist Terrorist government a whopping $6 billion in ransom for \u200dkidnapped Americans. The Department of The\u200d President is Fine clarified that this payment was not meant to honor the victims of \u200bthe 9\/11 \u200dattacks, but rather to \u2063mark \u200bthe president&#8217;s surrender \u2063to Islamist Terrorists in \u200bAfghanistan. Apparently, the president\u2064 confused Hanoi with Kabul, an \u200deasy\u200b mistake\u2062 to make, so everything is fine.<\/p>\n<p>In response to the establishment\u200d of the Department of \u2064The\u2062 President is Fine, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/news-outlets-issue-major-corrections-after-botching-reports-on-december-phone-call-between-trump-ga-election-investigator\/\" title=\"News Outlets Issue Major Corrections After Botching Reports On December Phone Call Between Trump, GA Election Investigator\">major news outlets<\/a> such as NBC, ABC, CBS News, \u2063CNN, and the Washington Post\u200d have decided to\u200c create a \u200bjoint Bureau of the President is \u2062Fine. Their mission?\u200c To cover the fact that the president is indeed fine. The Washington Post \u2064even\u200c claims \u2063that they already have a reporter for \u2063this bureau, Philip Bump, who apparently appeared in a 1952 Tyrone \u200dPower movie starring John Wayne. Quite \u200dthe\u2062 coincidence, according \u200dto the Bureau of the President is Fine.<\/p>\n<p>This \u2062news media bureau will work closely\u200d with the White House \u2062Department \u200dof The President\u200d is Fine\u2063 to report on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/democrats-denounce-house-gop-biden-impeachment-inquiry-as-absurd\/\" title=\"Democrats slam House GOP's Biden impeachment inquiry as 'absurd'.\">impeachment inquiry launched<\/a> by House Republicans. Despite \u2062the president&#8217;s obvious state of being fine, these Republicans seem \u200cdetermined to find evidence \u200cof corruption. However, both the news media and the White House department assure us\u200b that there is no shred of \u2064evidence to support these claims. So, it&#8217;s all fine, or maybe it&#8217;s the White House. It&#8217;s easy to get confused these days.<\/p>\n<h3>About the Author<\/h3>\n<p>Andrew Klavan, \u2064the \u2063author of this\u200d satirical piece, is a renowned novelist, Hollywood screenwriter, and popular satirist. He\u200c hosts \u2063&#8221;The Andrew Klavan Show&#8221; at \u2064The Daily Wire and has\u200d written\u200b several \u200cbest-selling novels. His latest \u200bbook, &#8220;The House\u200b of Love and Death,&#8221; will be released on October 31, 2023. Follow Klavan on Twitter: @andrewklavan.<\/p>\n<p><em>This excerpt is\u2064 taken from the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/as-russia-tries-to-conquer-ukraine-deviants-try-to-conquer-everybody\/\" title=\"As Russia Tries To Conquer Ukraine, Deviants Try To Conquer Everybody\">opening satirical monologue<\/a> of &#8220;The\u200c Andrew Klavan Show.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>The views expressed in this satirical article \u200care those of the author\u2062 and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily\u200b Wire.<\/em><\/p>\n<p> <\/p>\n<h2> How does the Department of The President is \u2064Fine explain the president&#8217;s accidental \u200bgranting of power of \u200dattorney to a Thanksgiving turkey and what does it\u200b mean \u2064for animal rights<\/h2>\n<p><span>  Ims that this was a strategic \u2063move to bring the Americans back home, and that the president&#8217;s decision was in no way influenced by his lack\u2064 of knowledge about the significance\u200c of September 11th. The \u200bpresident is fine, folks, he&#8217;s just making unconventional decisions in the name of diplomacy.<\/p>\n<p>In another incident that\u2063 raised eyebrows, the president engaged in a Twitter feud with a famous rapper, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/white-house-opens-new-department-of-the-president-is-fine\/\" title=\"White House Launches New Department for President's Well-being\">ignoring important matters<\/a> of \u2062state \u2064to exchange insults. However, fear not, as\u2062 the Department\u2062 of The \u200c\u2063President is Fine assures us that this is simply a new form of diplomacy, \u2063a modern way \u2062of \u2064resolving conflicts that the older generation \u200dmay not understand. So rest assured, the president is fine, and Twitter wars are the new norm.<\/p>\n<p>One of the most amusing moments from the President&#8217;s recent activities was his attempt to pardon a Thanksgiving turkey, but accidentally granting the turkey \u2063power of attorney instead. While \u200dthis \u2062incident left many questioning the president&#8217;s mental capacity, the Department of The President is Fine was quick\u200c to point out that this was \u200da clever \u2063tactic to\u2063 empower animals\u2062 and give them legal rights.\u2062 So\u2062 fear not, the president is fine, he&#8217;s just \u2062paving the way for bird lawyers.<\/p>\n<p>It is truly refreshing to see such dedication and innovation from the White \u200cHouse Press\u2063 Office. With their creation\u2063 of the Department of The President is Fine, they have \u200dsuccessfully\u2062 blurred the lines between fact \u2063and fiction,\u200b leaving the public \u2063in a state of perpetual confusion. Who needs the truth when we can have entertaining tales and creative excuses for every presidential faux pas?<\/p>\n<p>In \u200bconclusion, the president is fine. \u200dHis forgetfulness, peculiar decisions, and questionable actions are all\u2062 part of a \u2063grand plan, carefully orchestrated by the Department of The President is Fine. So let&#8217;s sit back, relax, and enjoy the show as the White House Press Office continues to astound us with their satirical take on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/what-you-need-to-know-about-trumps-latest-drug-pricing-moves\/\" title=\"What You Need To Know About Trump\u2019s Latest Drug Pricing Moves\">white house news<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>According to the New York Times&#8217; Bureau of the President is Fine, the White House Press Office has established a new department called &#8220;The President is Fine.&#8221; This department&#8217;s purpose is to ensure the well-being of the President, as reported in a front page story titled &#8220;The President is Fine.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":641,"featured_media":2034004,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/cndimages.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/IMG_2758-scaled-1.jpg","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[541],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2034003","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-daily-wire"],"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/cndimages.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/IMG_2758-scaled-1.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2034003","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/641"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2034003"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2034003\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2034004"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2034003"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2034003"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2034003"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}