{"id":2015066,"date":"2023-08-29T03:36:02","date_gmt":"2023-08-29T07:36:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/divorce-is-hardest-on-the-kids-even-when-theyre-all-grown-up\/"},"modified":"2023-08-29T03:41:47","modified_gmt":"2023-08-29T07:41:47","slug":"divorce-is-hardest-on-the-kids-even-when-theyre-all-grown-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/divorce-is-hardest-on-the-kids-even-when-theyre-all-grown-up\/","title":{"rendered":"Divorce takes a toll on adult children too."},"content":{"rendered":"<aside class=\"mashsb-container mashsb-main mashsb-stretched\"><div class=\"mashsb-box\"><div class=\"mashsb-count mash-medium\" style=\"&quot;\"><div class=\"counts mashsbcount\">16<\/div><span class=\"mashsb-sharetext\">SHARES<\/span><\/div><div class=\"mashsb-buttons\"><a class=\"mashicon-facebook mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.conservativenewsdaily.net%2Fbreaking-news%2Fdivorce-is-hardest-on-the-kids-even-when-theyre-all-grown-up%2F\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-twitter mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=&amp;url=https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=2015066&amp;via=ConservNewsDly\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Twitter<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-subscribe mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"#\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Subscribe<\/span><\/a><div class=\"onoffswitch2 mash-medium mashsb-noshadow\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                <div style=\"clear:both\"><\/div><\/aside>\n            <!-- Share buttons by mashshare.net - Version: 4.0.47--><div class=\"article-content\">\n<h2>Children and the \u200cLasting Impact of Divorce<\/h2>\n<p>Children are made for a <a href=\"https:\/\/thembeforeus.com\/children-have-needs\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">daily relationship with their mothers and fathers<\/a>, which is best achieved within the <a href=\"https:\/\/thembeforeus.com\/fast-facts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">life-long union \u2064of marriage<\/a>.\u2064 As the phenomenon known as \u200b\u201cgray divorce,\u201d or divorce over the age of 50, increases (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.census.gov\/content\/dam\/Census\/library\/publications\/2021\/demo\/p70-167.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">34.9 percent\u2062 of all divorces<\/a> in the U.S. in 2020 were among those aged 55 or older), we are learning that the effects of divorce are not unique to young children.<\/p>\n<p>The <a href=\"https:\/\/thembeforeus.com\/fast-facts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">instability, confusion, and questions of parental loyalty<\/a> don\u2019t simply disappear\u200c when one is an adult child of divorce. This is why when we allow victims of gray divorce to\u200b speak out, we learn that even adults don\u2019t simply \u201cget\u2062 over\u201d their parents\u2019 separations. In a recent Twitter post,\u200d several adult children of \u200ddivorce commented and\u2062 privately messaged us at Them Before Us, sharing their experiences such as, &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Advo_Katy\/status\/1675878424253173761?s=20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">My parents\u2019 \u200bdivorce<\/a> was literally one [of] the most traumatic and destabilizing things I\u2019ve ever been through,&#8221; and, &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/katyfaustauthor\/posts\/pfbid02mqoJ7xVipWnE3i6RdYfZXHghc1B9e3FsfH3SW5KgVaQvXBPfr1vF9748DpK2thkVl\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">My parents\u2019 divorce<\/a> when I was in my mid 20s was one of the worst things that \u2063ever happened to me; it broke me nearly beyond repair.&#8221;<\/p>\n<div class=\"fdrlst__b89e9-paragraph-2-long d-flex justify-content-center\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; \" id=\"fdrlst__b89e9-1240330436\">\n<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-1379703300879-0\" class=\"mb-30\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"fdrlst__b89e9-b7e46da1feaaecf1b42e722dc59bfec3 fdrlst__b89e9-paragraph-2\" id=\"fdrlst__b89e9-b7e46da1feaaecf1b42e722dc59bfec3\"><\/div>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Loss of Parental Connection<\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC8755893\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Studies \u2063on the effects of gray divorce<\/a> on adult children tell us that mothers and\u2064 fathers <a href=\"https:\/\/academic.oup.com\/psychsocgerontology\/advance-article-abstract\/doi\/10.1093\/geronb\/gbab139\/6328605?redirectedFrom=fulltext\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">differ in\u200c their reactions<\/a> to divorce. <a href=\"https:\/\/ifstudies.org\/blog\/the-aftermath-of-gray-divorce-for-men-women-and-their-adult-children\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Mothers are twice \u2064as likely to have \u2062more <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/biden-to-host-george-floyds-family-at-white-house-on-anniversary-of-his-death\/\" title=\"Biden To Host George Floyd\u2019s Family At White House On Anniversary Of His Death\">frequent contact<\/a> with their adult children after a late divorce than they did before<\/a>, whereas \u2063fathers are only half as likely to maintain frequent contact with their children.<\/p>\n<p>As <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/katyfaustauthor\/posts\/pfbid02mqoJ7xVipWnE3i6RdYfZXHghc1B9e3FsfH3SW5KgVaQvXBPfr1vF9748DpK2thkVl\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Kyle, \u2062who was 27 when his father\u200c left his mother,<\/a> shared \u200bwith us:<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\">\n<p>I wrote [my father] a letter and he \u2062blew it \u200coff. After the divorce was final, \u2063I reached out to tell him to stop continuing to \u200cjerk my mother around. He referenced the letter and said, \u201cI\u2019m not sorry for what I did.\u201d Around when my grandfather passed\u200d away, my\u2062 dad reached \u2064out to me telling me I was his \u201cheart and soul.\u201d I was hopeful that he was turning \u200ca corner. The first phone\u2062 call I had in nearly two years. Since then I have heard nothing from my father and that is where it\u200c stands \u2026 \u200cmy dad in essence cut me out of his life and my mother was put into such a horrible mental state, I really only\u2064 feel like recently she is becoming her old self again.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>It\u200d was found that divorced fathers are more likely\u2062 to remarry \u2063than mothers, but even if mothers remarry, they are more likely to maintain their relationships with their children than remarried fathers. As <a href=\"https:\/\/thembeforeus.com\/billions-of-dollars-is-not-a-substitute-for-the-gates-children-having-married-parents\/#:~:text=Following%2027%20years%20of%20marriage%2C%20Bill%20and%20Melinda,can%20no%20longer%20%E2%80%9Cgrow%20together%20as%20a%20couple.%E2%80%9D\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Catalina states<\/a>, \u201cAfter 32 yrs of marriage my dad just left and \u2063married another lady. Haven\u2019t heard from him in over \u20625 yrs. The last thing\u200b he said to me was \u2018You\u2019re an adult, you will adapt just fine.\u2019 He was totally wrong. My siblings and I are still suffering the consequences of my dad\u2019s decision. So I totally agree that kids or adults don\u2019t get over divorce.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.jstor.org\/stable\/2061683\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Divorce creates a \u201cmatrilineal tilt\u201d in families<\/a> because mothers tend to be the \u201cnerve center\u201d of families and are the ones more attuned to children\u2019s moods and needs, such as social obligations and schoolwork. While\u2062 there are certainly loving fathers who remain in their children\u2019s lives, when divorce occurs, the father, upon losing his wife, also loses the\u200b channel connecting him with his children, which can often switch his focus to a new wife and family or even <a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/2277861\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">put\u2063 him at risk<\/a> of \u200c <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pnas.org\/content\/early\/2017\/09\/26\/1710341114.full\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">being \u200ckinless<\/a> in old age.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Children Acting as Parents<\/h2>\n<p>Moreso, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/no-spike-in-florida-coronavirus-cases-despite-no-mask-mandate\/\" title=\"No Spike in Florida Coronavirus Cases Despite No Mask Mandate\">studies show<\/a> that adult children of divorce are\u2062 often burdened by extra caregiving responsibilities, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/315935005_Were_They_Ever_Really_Happy_the_Way_That_I_Remember_Exploring_Sources_of_Uncertainty_for_Adult_Children_of_Divorce\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">managing parents in different households<\/a>, and \u2064filling other \u2062 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1300\/J087v48n01_03\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">roles for which they were not prepared<\/a>. All of this is in \u200daddition to\u2062 the stress they bear in navigating their own careers and family lives. As <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Advo_Katy\/status\/1675878424253173761?s=20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Abigail<\/a> shares, \u201cAfter 35 years of marriage, my Dad\u200d left \u2063my Mom\u2064 and married another woman.\u2062 My\u2063 Mom subsequently \u2062became sick and died. I\u2063 was my Mom\u2019s caregiver during her illness, in addition to parenting my own children.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Adult children of divorce \u2063take on being their parents\u2019 emotional and social support, financial helpers, and\u2064 middlemen to avoid discord between parents, all the while <a href=\"https:\/\/psycnet.apa.org\/record\/1993-37308-001\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">experiencing manipulation<\/a> regarding holidays and vacations. <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Advo_Katy\/status\/1675878424253173761?s=20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">As Doug<\/a> wrote, \u201c[M]y \u2063parents divorced while I was in college \u2026 our families got to do\u2062 the \u200cdance of who to visit, who to do things with, who to stay with. It was a\u200b mess. No one was ever really happy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>They often do all of this in the face of societal \u200cassumptions that they should be unaffected by the divorce, or even celebrate it, because they aren\u2019t children anymore. <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Advo_Katy\/status\/1675878424253173761?s=20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">As \u200cSage<\/a> shared with Them Before Us:<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\">\n<p>I was 29 years-old. No reasons were given. \u2026 My devastated mother asked me to be \u200bher representative during the divorce. \u2026 They had long since stopped communicating \u2063directly so I had to determine how best \u2063to convey comments like, \u2018Tell that f-cking b-tch\u2026\u2019 from my \u200dfather to my mother. \u2026 [A]fter a bout of depression, [I] spent my days checking in on my mother, managing her finances and listening to her lament her situation ad nauseam. It is\u200d a \u2063role\u2063 that I continue \u200cto perform \u200cto this day. \u2026 It\u2019s been 20 years since that phone call and\u200c it\u2019s only recently become clear just how much\u2063 of an\u2062 impact it had on me. It left me scarred and deeply traumatised and I suffer the effects to this day. \u2062My parents, on the\u200d other hand, are oblivious to any consequences their divorce had beyond themselves.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Long-Term Effect on Relationships<\/h2>\n<p>In addition to altering parental relationships, gray divorce often leads adult children to question their own relationships. As Kyle further shared with us about the\u200b effects of his parents\u2019 divorce\u200b on his own\u2062 marriage, \u201cDuring this\u200b time I was married, and\u200c was \u200cfocusing very deeply on getting my mom through this. In my mind, I was going to step up and be there for her. In reality \u200bthis wasn\u2019t my role, but something I was forced into. However, I\u2063 painfully learned I have no power over my \u200cmother or my father. This entire thing was extremely difficult on my young marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Some experience <a href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1300\/J087v27n01_05\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">issues with trust \u2063and commitment<\/a>, feelings of insecurity, and an overall negative outlook\u2063 on marriage. \u2063As\u200c <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Advo_Katy\/status\/1675878424253173761?s=20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Libby shared<\/a>, \u201cMy parents are both divorced multiple\u2063 times. My\u200c grandparents are divorced. My great grandmothers were widowed before I was born.\u2062 The only legacy I\u2019ve seen of marriage \u200dare broken \u2062ones.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Parental separation \u200bis an\u2063 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/what-are-aces-adverse-childhood-experiences-5219030\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/video-man-charged-with-1200-counts-of-sex-assault-incest-with-minor-after-pastor-notifies-sheriff\/\" title=\"VIDEO: Man Charged with 1,200 Counts of Sex Assault, Incest with Minor After Pastor Notifies Sheriff\">adverse childhood experience<\/a><\/a> that can \u200dhave a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/virtual-communication-could-impair-childhood-brain-development-study-suggests\/\" title=\"Virtual Communication Could Impair Childhood Brain Development, Study Suggests\">life-long effect<\/a> \u2063on children. \u2064The natural right of children to \u200ctheir mothers and fathers is why\u2063 Them Before Us <a href=\"https:\/\/thembeforeus.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/Divorce-Handout.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">opposes \u2063no-fault divorce<\/a>, which denies children,\u2064 no matter their \u200bage,\u2064 the ongoing contact with both parents that they need, crave, and from which they should have the opportunity to benefit.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\">\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Children thrive in a daily bond with both parents, ideally within the lifelong commitment of marriage. However, the rise of &#8220;gray divorce&#8221; among those aged 50 and above (accounting for 34.9% of all U.S. divorces in 2020) poses challenges to this ideal.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":828,"featured_media":2015067,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/cndimages.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/IMG_2758-scaled-1.jpg","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[546],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2015066","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-federalist"],"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/cndimages.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/IMG_2758-scaled-1.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2015066","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/828"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2015066"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2015066\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2015067"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2015066"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2015066"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2015066"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}