{"id":1785432,"date":"2022-12-23T21:17:55","date_gmt":"2022-12-24T02:17:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=1785432"},"modified":"2022-12-23T21:17:59","modified_gmt":"2022-12-24T02:17:59","slug":"klavan-reveals-the-true-meaning-of-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/klavan-reveals-the-true-meaning-of-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"Klavan Reveals The True Meaning Of Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"<aside class=\"mashsb-container mashsb-main mashsb-stretched\"><div class=\"mashsb-box\"><div class=\"mashsb-count mash-medium\" style=\"float:left\"><div class=\"counts mashsbcount\">14<\/div><span class=\"mashsb-sharetext\">SHARES<\/span><\/div><div class=\"mashsb-buttons\"><a class=\"mashicon-facebook mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.conservativenewsdaily.net%2Fbreaking-news%2Fklavan-reveals-the-true-meaning-of-christmas%2F\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-twitter mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=&amp;url=https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=1785432&amp;via=ConservNewsDly\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Twitter<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-subscribe mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"#\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Subscribe<\/span><\/a><div class=\"onoffswitch2 mash-medium mashsb-noshadow\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                <div style=\"clear:both\"><\/div><\/aside>\n            <!-- Share buttons by mashshare.net - Version: 4.0.47--><p><em>The following is the opening satirical monologue from \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/show\/the-andrew-klavan-show\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The Andrew Klavan Show.<\/a>\u201c<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Well, it\u2019s Christmas, and you know what that means, and neither do I. This is the day when God came into the world to tell us to stop judging and to forgive one another, which of course we have absolutely no intention of doing, so we better buy a lot of presents and maybe that\u2019ll get us off the hook. Also, we can gather around the television and watch \u201cA Christmas Carol\u201d in which Scrooge learns to love his neighbors and give his money away, and that always brings a tear to our eyes because we\u2019re not going to do that either. For one thing, my neighbor\u2019s a jackass, plus it\u2019s my damn money, so stop bothering me, I\u2019m trying to watch \u201cA Christmas Carol.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now on the first Christmas Eve, as we all remember from a \u201cCharlie Brown Christmas Special,\u201d the shepherds were watching their flocks or washing their socks or something with ocks in it, although actually the ox was in the manger with the baby Jesus, probably washing his socks. I don\u2019t remember the story exactly, but I think there were some wise men who came from the east, maybe the Hamptons, possibly Persia, and they gave the baby expensive presents like gold and frankincense and myrrh. And Jesus was probably like, \u201cWhat am I gonna do with myrrh? I don\u2019t even know what that is.\u201d And the wise men were like, \u201cJust take the presents and stop telling us to love our neighbors okay, because, believe me, if you knew our neighbors, you wouldn\u2019t be saying that.\u201d Which, if that\u2019s any indication, they were probably from the Hamptons, since some of the people in Persia are pretty nice.<\/p>\n<p>And because Jesus was born, everybody changed and became good, and you could tell everyone was good because they had signs outside their houses that said, \u201cLove is love,\u201d and \u201cNo one is illegal.\u201d And Jesus was like, \u201cWhat is with \u2018Love is love,\u2019 that doesn\u2019t even mean anything. What, do you people just babble stupid nonsense and think that gets you points with me? Plus if no one is illegal, how come when all those illegals came to Martha\u2019s Vineyard, you bused them out of there so fast, Jill Biden could only say they were as unique as a breakfast tac, because she didn\u2019t have enough time to get to O before the whole combination plate was back on the mainland. I guess that\u2019s \u2018Love is love\u2019 for you, ya stupid shmucks. Yeah, that\u2019s Yiddish. Know why? I\u2019m a Jew. So that\u2019s another thing: stop waving those crosses around and hating on Jewish people, or you\u2019ll get a big surprise and you won\u2019t like it. I\u2019ll show you \u2018Love is love,\u2019 ya fakakta goyim.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Personally, I think by the time the first Christmas was over, Jesus was pretty much fed up with the whole business.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, another important thing about Christmas is gathering with family, those bastards. Over Thanksgiving, the Biden administration issued some guidelines on how to respond if your conservative uncle criticized President Biden by pointing out he practically destroyed the economy, set the streets on fire with crime, abandoned the rule of law in order to dismantle our borders, and fell under the sway of a fetishistic fad by defending the sexual butchering of young people on the basis of zero science. Now, I don\u2019t know what the administration\u2019s recommended response actually was because, let\u2019s face it, in this chaos, who cares? But I thought it would be a good idea if we conservatives could issue some guidelines of our own on how to respond if, say, your leftist brother-in-law should come to Christmas dinner and start spouting off about how Donald Trump was a threat to democracy because of some damn fool thing he thinks happened that obviously didn\u2019t. Now remember, it\u2019s Christmas, so you don\u2019t want to start an argument and ruin everybody\u2019s dinner. Just quietly take your brother-in-law aside and show him the pictures you took of him messing around with the pool boy and tell him the next time you storm the capitol, you expect to see him right there next to you smearing crap on the walls of Congress like any other good patriot.<\/p>\n<p>So that\u2019s my Christmas message this year. And remember, Jesus wants us to love and forgive one another, so buy a lotta-lotta presents because basically, that\u2019s all we got going for us. And don\u2019t forget the myrrh.<\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/show\/the-andrew-klavan-show\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/url?q=https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/show\/the-andrew-klavan-show&#038;source=gmail&#038;ust=1663776358757000&#038;usg=AOvVaw2lHm_ZdswXr4ZRFDBRYWtn\">Andrew Klavan<\/a>\u00a0Is the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. A popular political satirist and Hollywood screenwriter, Klavan is also an award-winning novelist. Be sure to order his new novel today:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Strange-Habit-Mind-Cameron-Mysteries\/dp\/1613163517\/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&#038;qid=&#038;sr=\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/url?q=https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Strange-Habit-Mind-Cameron-Mysteries\/dp\/1613163517\/ref%3Dtmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding%3DUTF8%26qid%3D%26sr%3D&#038;source=gmail&#038;ust=1663776358757000&#038;usg=AOvVaw2A-PHu0ZqsrknbrIeJJFOp\">A Strange Habit of Mind<\/a>, book two in the Cameron Winter Mystery series.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>The views expressed in this satirical\u00a0article are those<\/p>\n<p><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The following is the opening satirical monologue from \u201cThe Andrew Klavan Show.\u201c Well, it\u2019s Christmas, and you know what that means, and neither do I. This is the day when God came into the world to tell us to stop judging and to forgive one another, which of course we have absolutely no intention of &#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":641,"featured_media":1785435,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/cndimages.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/IMG_2758-scaled-1.jpg","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[541],"tags":[6962,6922,6202,11538,8806,5114,5956,6195],"class_list":["post-1785432","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-daily-wire","tag-the","tag-christmas","tag-daily","tag-klavan","tag-meaning","tag-reveals","tag-true","tag-wire"],"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/cndimages.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/IMG_2758-scaled-1.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1785432","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/641"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1785432"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1785432\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1785435"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1785432"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1785432"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1785432"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}