{"id":1715509,"date":"2022-10-28T21:18:19","date_gmt":"2022-10-29T01:18:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=1715509"},"modified":"2022-10-28T21:18:40","modified_gmt":"2022-10-29T01:18:40","slug":"escape-from-planet-crazy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/escape-from-planet-crazy\/","title":{"rendered":"Escape From Planet Crazy"},"content":{"rendered":"<aside class=\"mashsb-container mashsb-main mashsb-stretched\"><div class=\"mashsb-box\"><div class=\"mashsb-count mash-medium\" style=\"&quot;\"><div class=\"counts mashsbcount\">8<\/div><span class=\"mashsb-sharetext\">SHARES<\/span><\/div><div class=\"mashsb-buttons\"><a class=\"mashicon-facebook mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.conservativenewsdaily.net%2Fbreaking-news%2Fescape-from-planet-crazy%2F\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-twitter mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=&amp;url=https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=1715509&amp;via=ConservNewsDly\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Twitter<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-subscribe mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"#\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Subscribe<\/span><\/a><div class=\"onoffswitch2 mash-medium mashsb-noshadow\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                <div style=\"clear:both\"><\/div><\/aside>\n            <!-- Share buttons by mashshare.net - Version: 4.0.47--><p>The following is the opening satirical monologue from \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/episode\/ep-1103-escape-from-planet-crazy-2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The Andrew Klavan Show.<\/a>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now listen, I don\u2019t want to make fun of a stroke victim. I don\u2019t want to make jokes about an old man with dementia. I don\u2019t want to laugh at some poor woman whose only job qualifications are a hairstyle and a talent for mendacity. Unfortunately, that\u2019s pretty much the entire Democrat party \u2014 and while I don\u2019t want to make fun of them, someone has to. So let\u2019s get started.<\/p>\n<p>As the mid-term campaign season nears its close, Americans are preparing for election day when the free people of a great nation turn out to weep for what used to be a great nation when they were free people.<\/p>\n<p>Democrats, who run all three branches of government and are therefore to blame for this dumpster fire, have been working to bring their campaign messaging to a perfect balance of subtle distortions and outright lies. Their first strategy was to talk endlessly about the capital kerfuffle on January 6th. That idea failed, however, when voters decided that a lunatic in a Viking hat running through congress smearing the walls with excrement was actually doing a better job than the people who are usually there.<\/p>\n<p>Since then, Democrats have resorted to telling the electorate: \u201cSure, we tanked the economy, turned your cities into crime-ridden hellholes and threw the rule of law out the window. But at least we\u2019re in favor of sexually mutilating children and slaughtering babies. Anything more than that would be too much of a good thing.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, in the Pennsylvania Senate race for instance, stroke victim and funny-shaped head guy John Fetterman and TV Dr. Mehmet Oz are running neck and bizarre goiter to the finish line as Fetterman tries to drive home his campaign slogan: \u201cI\u2019m tan, rested and have no idea where I am.\u201d After their recent TV exchange, the mainstream media was unanimous in saying Fetterman had turned in the finest debate performance by a man in a vegetative state in the history of medical emergencies.<\/p>\n<p>President and Venal Houseplant Joe Biden also chimed in on the debate in a private conversation with the cover of Brittany Spears\u2019s first album, saying: [quote] \u201cEveryone says Fetterman is speaking gibberish \u2014 like that\u2019s a bad thing. But his debate performance reminded me of that time I told Corn Pop: Listen, a car in the balloon is worth an elephant on the head of a pin. Then I hit him with a roll of barbed wire I\u2019d gotten from my many, many black friends who liked to stroke the hair on my leg because it was so soft and shiny. That\u2019s why I\u2019ll vote for Fetterman if it turns out I live in Pennsylvania.\u201d [unquote]\n<p>In New York, unelected governor Kathy Hochul swore that she would fight crime to the very last hour before election day and then return to the policies that caused the crime in the first place and up yours. The effect of these remarks has been to narrow her race with Lee Zeldin, a man so obscure he had to check Wikipedia to find out who he was.<\/p>\n<p>And in the Michigan governor\u2019s debate, Governor and UberSturmFuhrer Gretchen Von Whitmer, defended her policy of locking the state\u2019s entire population in their bathrooms during the pandemic saying it was important to cut down on traffic so she could visit her family more easily. When those remarks were greeted with anger, Von Whitmer started screaming, \u201cHelp, I\u2019m being kidnapped,\u201d and was carried off the debate stage by two FBI Agents wearing MAGA hats and t-shirts reading, \u201cI mugged Jussie Smollett.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now to be fair, there\u2019s also been some trouble on the right, especially after the artist formerly known as Kanye West went on an ugly anti-semitic rant. Adidas, a company literally founded by and named after a member of Hitler\u2019s Nazi party \u2014 and no, I\u2019m not making that up \u2014 dropped Ye as a sponsor, saying [quote] \u201cThis level of anti-semitism is unacceptable.\u201d [unquote] Come to think of it, I\u2019m not exactly sure what they meant by that.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, because Kanye knows Candace Owens and Candace knows Ben Shapiro, journalists are now insinuating that Ben Shapiro is one of the worst anti-semites ever to put on a yarmulke. Every morning, apparently, Ben looks in the mirror and says, \u201cIt\u2019s you rotten Jews who make a fortune by controlling the media.\u201d Which, okay, in Shapiro\u2019s case happens to be true. But that other thing, about Jews aiming a space laser at earth \u2014 well, okay, Shapiro\u2019s doing that too.<\/p>\n<p>So maybe we should just vote for the guy in the Viking hat.<\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/show\/the-andrew-klavan-show\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/url?q=https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/show\/the-andrew-klavan-show&#038;source=gmail&#038;ust=1663776358757000&#038;usg=AOvVaw2lHm_ZdswXr4ZRFDBRYWtn\">Andrew Klavan<\/a> Is the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. A popular political satirist and Hollywood screenwriter, Klavan is also an award-winning novelist. Be sure to order his new novel<\/p>\n<p><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The following is the opening satirical monologue from \u201cThe Andrew Klavan Show.\u201d Now listen, I don\u2019t want to make fun of a stroke victim. I don\u2019t want to make jokes about an old man with dementia. I don\u2019t want to laugh at some poor woman whose only job qualifications are a hairstyle and a talent &#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1715512,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/cndimages.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/IMG_2758-scaled-1.jpg","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[541],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1715509","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-daily-wire"],"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/cndimages.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/IMG_2758-scaled-1.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1715509","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1715509"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1715509\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1715512"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1715509"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1715509"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1715509"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}