{"id":1690509,"date":"2022-10-15T10:19:39","date_gmt":"2022-10-15T14:19:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=1690509"},"modified":"2022-10-15T10:20:16","modified_gmt":"2022-10-15T14:20:16","slug":"midterm-elections-mean-the-majestic-peaceful-transfer-of-power-or-civil-war-whichever-makes-for-better-tv","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/midterm-elections-mean-the-majestic-peaceful-transfer-of-power-or-civil-war-whichever-makes-for-better-tv\/","title":{"rendered":"Midterm Elections Mean The Majestic, Peaceful Transfer Of Power \u2014 Or Civil War. Whichever Makes For Better TV."},"content":{"rendered":"<aside class=\"mashsb-container mashsb-main mashsb-stretched\"><div class=\"mashsb-box\"><div class=\"mashsb-count mash-medium\" style=\"&quot;\"><div class=\"counts mashsbcount\">36<\/div><span class=\"mashsb-sharetext\">SHARES<\/span><\/div><div class=\"mashsb-buttons\"><a class=\"mashicon-facebook mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.conservativenewsdaily.net%2Fbreaking-news%2Fmidterm-elections-mean-the-majestic-peaceful-transfer-of-power-or-civil-war-whichever-makes-for-better-tv%2F\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-twitter mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=&amp;url=https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=1690509&amp;via=ConservNewsDly\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Twitter<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-subscribe mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"#\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Subscribe<\/span><\/a><div class=\"onoffswitch2 mash-medium mashsb-noshadow\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                <div style=\"clear:both\"><\/div><\/aside>\n            <!-- Share buttons by mashshare.net - Version: 4.0.47--><p>So \u2014 let\u2019s take a closer look at those polls.<\/p>\n<p>As of now, the Real Clear Politics poll-average shows Republicans with a 73 percent chance of winning a majority in the House on Election Day up until about 2AM when officials mysteriously stop counting votes, after which their chances go down to 46 percent. 57 percent of registered voters say the most important issue in this election is whether or not they\u2019ll be too depressed to get out of bed and vote, while 32 percent say the most important issue is whether voting will be more interesting than watching TikTok videos one after another, and the remaining 11 percent say they are unsure whether they\u2019ll be depressed or watching TikTok videos or both.<\/p>\n<p>58 percent of registered voters say they are unhappy with what\u2019s currently going on in the country. 31 percent say they are very happy with what\u2019s going on in the country and are also very happy watching the movie Dahmer and slowing it down during the torture scenes. Three percent say they\u2019re not sure whether they\u2019re happy or unhappy but you can ask again once the Xanax wears off.<\/p>\n<p>Some of the differences in poll results are caused by the pollster\u2019s varying methods. To give an example: Nate Silver\u2019s 538 website uses a unique system in which a computer simulates the election 40-thousand times, then selects 100 outcomes until they produce the results Nate Silver wants. So, for instance, the computer might run a scenario in which there\u2019s a high turnout of a scientifically selected cross-section of voters and then Lady Laena Velaryon from the Game of Thrones prequel flies her dragon over the crowd and sprays fire on all the Republicans whereupon Nate Silver dances around his apartment in his underwear screaming, \u201cYay, all the Republicans burned up,\u201d until his neighbor bangs on the wall and tells him to keep it down. This results in lopsided victories for Democrat candidates across all the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros as well as a stern warning from Silver\u2019s landlord after which Silver will be interviewed on NBC News to fill time while they\u2019re not reporting on the soaring crime rates in Democrat cities.<\/p>\n<p>The Trafalgar Group uses a more hands-on method by actually visiting people\u2019s homes and polling anyone who doesn\u2019t shoot at them under the impression they\u2019re an FBI Swat Team coming to arrest them for being Pro-LIfe. Their latest poll shows that 65 percent of young people are very optimistic and believe that Jamie Lee Curtis really will kill Michael Meyers for good this time, hopefully before Putin starts a nuclear war. 73 percent of Democrats who read the New York Times feel the most important issue is whether Donald Trump will climb to the top of the Empire State Building clutching a woman in one giant paw while swiping at World War I biplanes with the other, unless that was just a dream they had, in which case the most important issue is whether there\u2019ll be any Bagels left at Zabars if they stop off for their yoga lesson first. As for Republicans, 88 percent believe you ought to get the hell off their property before they pepper your ass with buckshot, you federale fascists.<\/p>\n<p>The conservative-leaning Rasmussen poll uses a system in which pollsters sit in a room smoking dope and throwing darts at a picture of Woodrow Wilson with a target drawn on it and then record the numbers, or some numbers, in a spreadsheet which they then delete before writing down completely different numbers they just made up and publishing those online. This has resulted in polls approximately 95 percent more accurate than all the other polls put together because they count a more realistic number of Republican voters.<\/p>\n<p>After carefully sifting the data, most pollsters report that they\u2019re making a pretty good living but are plagued by a sense of meaninglessness and a nagging fear that their mother was right and they should\u2019ve done something more useful with their life like joining the circus or trying to become the ping pong champion of Romania. 92 percent of respondents agree the pollsters never could have become the ping pong champion of Romania but it still would have been more useful than what they\u2019re doing now.<\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/show\/the-andrew-klavan-show\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/url?q=https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/show\/the-andrew-klavan-show&#038;source=gmail&#038;ust=1663776358757000&#038;usg=AOvVaw2lHm_ZdswXr4ZRFDBRYWtn\">Andrew Klavan<\/a>\u00a0Is the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. A popular political satirist and Hollywood screenwriter, Klavan is also an award-winning novelist. Be sure to PRE-ORDER his new novel today:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Strange-Habit-Mind-Cameron-Mysteries\/dp\/1613163517\/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&#038;qid=&#038;sr=\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/url?q=https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Strange-Habit-Mind-Cameron-Mysteries\/dp\/1613163517\/ref%3Dtmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding%3DUTF8%26qid%3D%26sr%3D&#038;source=gmail&#038;ust=1663776358757000&#038;usg=AOvVaw2A-PHu0ZqsrknbrIeJJFOp\">A Strange Habit of Mind<\/a>, book two in the Cameron Winter Mystery series.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>The views expressed in this satirical\u00a0article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.<\/p>\n<p><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The following is the opening satirical monologue from \u201cThe Andrew Klavan Show.\u201c The mid-term elections are almost upon us, and political experts are beginning to carefully study the polls that have never been right before and then discuss them as if they were somehow going to be right this time for some reason. These intense &#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1890335,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/cndimages.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/IMG_2758-scaled-1.jpg","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[541],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1690509","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-daily-wire"],"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/cndimages.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com\/breaking-news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/IMG_2758-scaled-1.jpg","fifu_finder_url":"https:\/\/www.dailywire.com\/news\/midterm-elections-mean-the-majestic-peaceful-transfer-of-power-or-civil-war-whichever-makes-for-better-tv","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1690509","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1690509"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1690509\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1890335"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1690509"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1690509"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1690509"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}