{"id":1441196,"date":"2022-04-16T07:44:45","date_gmt":"2022-04-16T11:44:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=1441196"},"modified":"2022-04-16T07:44:53","modified_gmt":"2022-04-16T11:44:53","slug":"lets-ditch-the-stigma-against-stay-at-home-moms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/lets-ditch-the-stigma-against-stay-at-home-moms\/","title":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s Ditch the Stigma Against Stay-at-Home Moms"},"content":{"rendered":"<aside class=\"mashsb-container mashsb-main mashsb-stretched\"><div class=\"mashsb-box\"><div class=\"mashsb-count mash-medium\" style=\"float:left\"><div class=\"counts mashsbcount\">14<\/div><span class=\"mashsb-sharetext\">SHARES<\/span><\/div><div class=\"mashsb-buttons\"><a class=\"mashicon-facebook mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.conservativenewsdaily.net%2Fbreaking-news%2Flets-ditch-the-stigma-against-stay-at-home-moms%2F\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-twitter mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=&amp;url=https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/?p=1441196&amp;via=ConservNewsDly\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Twitter<\/span><\/a><a class=\"mashicon-subscribe mash-medium mash-nomargin mashsb-noshadow\" href=\"#\" target=\"_top\" rel=\"nofollow\"><span class=\"icon\"><\/span><span class=\"text\">Subscribe<\/span><\/a><div class=\"onoffswitch2 mash-medium mashsb-noshadow\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><\/div>\n            <\/div>\n                <div style=\"clear:both\"><\/div><\/aside>\n            <!-- Share buttons by mashshare.net - Version: 4.0.47--><div class=\"css-1u22pos\"><span><\/span><\/p>\n<div>\n<figure class=\"css-yhe8zq\"><span class=\"css-rwmw5v\"><span class=\"css-mjp0j9\"><source media=\"(min-width: 1190px)\" \/><source media=\"(min-width: 990px)\" \/><source media=\"(min-width: 768px)\" \/><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/post.healthline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/moms_HEADER.jpg?w=1155&#038;h=1528\" alt=\"Mom and daughter cooking dinner together in the kitchen.\" class=\"css-1jytyml\" \/><\/span><a class=\"icon-hl-pinterest css-1w9qmip\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer nofollow\" data-event=\"Any Page|Image Pinterest Click|Icon Clicked\" data-element-event=\"OPEN|CONTENTBLOCK|Any Page|Article Body|BUTTON|Image Widget Pinterest Click|\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pinterest.com\/pin\/create\/button\/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.healthline.com%2Fhealth%2Fparenting%2Fstigma-stay-at-home-moms&#038;media=https%3A%2F%2Fpost.healthline.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2022%2F03%2Fmoms_HEADER.jpg&#038;description=Stay-at-Home%20Mom%20Stereotypes%20and%20Stigmas\" title=\"Share on Pinterest\" data-pin-custom=\"true\" data-share-url=\"https:\/\/post.healthline.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/moms_HEADER.jpg\"><span class=\"css-8yl26h\">Share on Pinterest<\/span><\/a><\/span><figcaption class=\"css-bx4197\">Photo collage by Yunuen Bonaparte; Photography by xavierarnau\/Getty Images<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>Raising a human being is hard. It\u2019s a different kind of \u201cwork\u201d because it\u2019s all-encompassing. I was raised by my grandmother, whose job title in the early \u201980s was \u201chomemaker.\u201d It did not come with benefits or sick days or even a paycheck. It\u2019s what she knew. <\/p>\n<p>Today, she\u2019d be called a stay-at-home mom (or grandma). The role hasn\u2019t changed much in terms of daily household responsibilities. But in our current climate, where women are expected to do it all, what people think of stay-at-home moms has changed. <\/p>\n<p>No one questioned what my grandmother did all day. In the 1970s, when my grandmother raised her own children, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/social-trends\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2014\/04\/Moms-At-Home_04-08-2014.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">48 percent of American households<\/a> were run by stay-at-home moms (SAHMs). By the 1980s, when she raised me, although the decline had begun, the job was still exceedingly common. <\/p>\n<p>Here we take a look at how SAHMs are seen today, why they do it, and how we can better support them. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-0\"><span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>People often think being a SAHM is easy because they don\u2019t have to clock in or clock out. They think SAHMs <a href=\"https:\/\/matermea.com\/being-a-black-stay-at-home-mom\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">watch television, are lazy<\/a> and pathetic, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=UTnosFGtQSM\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">have little responsibility<\/a>, or are bored being home with their kids all day. <\/p>\n<p>Caila Drabenstot, a 35-year-old SAHM of five who lives in Indiana*, refutes this.<\/p>\n<p>Drabenstot, who worked as a waitress before choosing to become a SAHM, shares, \u201cThis isn\u2019t an easy gig like many are led to believe. I am running around doing what needs to be done from the time I wake up to the time my head hits the pillow. There is never any downtime for me to just \u2018be.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd even on the rare occasion where I do find a moment to myself,\u201d she adds, \u201cit\u2019s often intruded by the mental load of motherhood. I don\u2019t think people understand how large of a toll that takes on a person.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>More than <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/fact-tank\/2018\/09\/24\/stay-at-home-moms-and-dads-account-for-about-one-in-five-u-s-parents\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">18 percent<\/a> of parents in the United States were stay-at-home parents in 2016, according to Pew Research, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/fact-tank\/2019\/06\/12\/fathers-day-facts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">83 percent<\/a> of them were women like Drabenstot.<\/p>\n<p>That number is largely even higher now, as almost <a href=\"https:\/\/www.politico.com\/news\/2021\/07\/22\/coronavirus-pandemic-women-workforce-500329\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">1.8 million women<\/a> have left the labor force during the pandemic, often because their jobs have disappeared or because they\u2019ve been forced to stop working as a result of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.americanprogress.org\/article\/covid-19-sent-womens-workforce-progress-backward\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">pay inequity and lack of childcare<\/a>. <\/p>\n<p>Whether by choice or by circumstance, most of these women spend their days doing some combination of taking care of the kids, managing their activities, preparing meals, scheduling appointments, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, managing family finances, and on and on. In other words, they\u2019re doing <em>a lot<\/em>. And yet, the stigma remains.<\/p>\n<p>Lauren Jacobs, a licensed clinical social worker based in Troy, New York, who is also a mom of two, says, \u201c\u200b\u200bI believe this stigma still exists because, as a society, we continue to minimize the social and financial value of \u2018executive functioning,\u2019\u201d meaning \u201cthe skills it takes to organize and execute tasks.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>Jacobs believes that as our society is undergoing a reevaluation of labor and \u201cessential\u201d workers during the pandemic, it would help to destigmatize stay-at-home parents if we brought their labor and its benefit for the family and society at large into the conversation.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA stay-at-home parent is doing similar project management \u2014 who needs to bring what to school, do we need toilet paper, what is the dinner plan \u2014 [to what people are doing at work],\u201d she says. \u201cAll of that is labor which takes several steps to execute but is often \u2018invisible labor\u2019 because we are not thinking about everything that goes into it, and \u2018women\u2019s work\u2019 has historically gone unseen and unvalued.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>So, how does one drown out all the outside noise when it comes to raising one\u2019s children?<\/p>\n<p>Bronx-based clinical social worker Leslie M. Lind-Hernaiz, LCSW-R, who also has a 2-year-old, says it\u2019s up to moms to \u201cstay true to your own values and what\u2019s important to you and your family. When you stay true to your own values and what your family needs regardless of what society tells you, you are doing what is right for you.\u201d <\/p>\n<p><span class=\"css-zya54r\"><\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"css-0\"><span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>The answer here is simple: Moms stay home to care for their kids, though the reasons differ from mom to mom. <\/p>\n<p>Sarah King, a 33-year-old mom of two who lives in Stamford, Connecticut, says, \u201cI chose to stay home. We\u2019ve always been a single-income family. It\u2019s something I take a great deal of strength and inspiration from. I wanted to raise really good humans and to establish a relationship with them, which takes both time and patience.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kailee Gaul, a 35-year-old who lives in DeBary, Florida, and has two kids, valued being physically present and emotionally available for her family. Once a kindergarten teacher, she loved her job, so when her first son was born, she had to decide whether to go back to work, and it wasn\u2019t an easy choice to make. <\/p>\n<p>Aware of the stigma against being a SAHM, she chose it anyway. \u201cI found myself being introspective and thinking through why it was so important to me,\u201d she says. \u201cI concluded that truly in my heart of hearts, I wanted this time with my baby and my family.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>In a survey by the Pew Research Center, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/social-trends\/2014\/04\/08\/chapter-4-public-views-on-staying-at-home-vs-working\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">6 in 10 adults<\/a> said they believe that children are better off when a parent stays home, and there\u2019s even research that says being a SAHM can have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.romper.com\/p\/how-being-a-stay-at-home-mom-changes-your-babys-brain-according-to-science-9814448\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">positive effects<\/a> on your baby\u2019s brain. <\/p>\n<p>Of course, sometimes even <em>choosing<\/em> to be a SAHM is a choice of necessity. Phoebe McDowell, a 49-year-old mom of twins who lives in Portland, Oregon, didn\u2019t set out to be a SAHM. She did it because she felt she had little choice. <\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt was too expensive to work as a nurse and put a newborn or toddler or even preschool twins in day care in the Portland metro area,\u201d she says. \u201cFor a number of reasons, it is about as expensive for childcare here as it is in New York City, but a healthcare worker\u2019s pay scale is nowhere near the same.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>Being a SAHM can also be isolating, of course, no matter what leads you to the job. A Gallup analysis found that SAHMs <a href=\"https:\/\/news.gallup.com\/poll\/154685\/stay-home-moms-report-depression-sadness-anger.aspx\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">experience depression<\/a> at a higher rate than employed moms, and the pandemic has <a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/monitor\/2021\/10\/cover-parental-burnout\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">worsened<\/a> these feelings of burnout and anxiety even more.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-0\"><span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Society tells me constantly that, as a Black woman, I must do more to be considered equal. I got my college degree. I have a career in the nonprofit sector in which I help provide support to cardiac surgery patients, and have worked very hard to prove I am indeed committed to my work. I\u2019m not looking to be a SAHM. But could I be one if I wanted to be? <\/p>\n<p>Marie Martin, 38, a mom of two who lives in New York City, feels the standards are different for Black women.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAs a Black woman, the stigma to stay home is looked down upon because people assume you aren\u2019t educated or you are on welfare,\u201d she says. \u201cSo Black moms carry an even heavier burden. On top of everything else, we are trying to prove tenfold that we deserve to be home.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>Lind-Hernaiz, who is Black, shared that her husband passed away in December, making her a single mom of color and a widow in 1 month\u2019s time. A study conducted by the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.epi.org\/blog\/african-american-women-stand-out-as-working-moms-play-a-larger-economic-role-in-families\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">Economic Policy Institute<\/a> reported that African American women are often the breadwinners of their families, and half of all African American women in the workforce today are moms. <\/p>\n<p>In a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/fact-tank\/2018\/09\/24\/stay-at-home-moms-and-dads-account-for-about-one-in-five-u-s-parents\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">Pew Research Center analysis<\/a> of data collected between 2014 and 2016, only 7 percent of SAHMs were Black women, as opposed to the 49 percent who were white. <\/p>\n<p>Lind-Hernaiz shares that Women of Color, especially Black women, can\u2019t always afford to stay at home. \u201cI think it\u2019s harder for Women of Color, especially Black women, to be stay-at-home moms due to lack of support, specifically financial support,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n<p>Many of the Women of Color Lind-Hernaiz works with are single parents, whether by choice or by chance. And she points out that there aren\u2019t many employment opportunities for SAHMs that offer a livable salary. <\/p>\n<p>But \u201cthe option of being a stay-at-home mom [or] parent should not be a luxury \u2014 it should be a viable option for all who want to do it,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n<p><span class=\"css-zya54r\"><\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"css-0\"><span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>While being a SAHM isn\u2019t for everyone, when a woman knows it\u2019s right for her, and she\u2019s able to take the job, it\u2019s important that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.moms.com\/im-a-stayathome-mom-i-want-more-support-from-society\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">society supports her<\/a>. <\/p>\n<p>Here are some things we can do to support stay-at-home moms.<\/p>\n<h4><strong><strong><strong><strong>1. Recognize that SAHMs are not <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2020\/04\/17\/parenting\/stay-at-home-mom.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">\u201conly\u201d stay-at-home moms<\/a> without wants, hopes, or dreams outside of their kids.<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>According to Kellie Wicklund, psychotherapist and owner and clinical director of the Maternal Wellness Center in Hatboro, Pennsylvania, \u201cNo person wants to be identified as only <em>one<\/em> aspect of themself \u2014 this includes parents who decide to stay at home and care for their children for any extent of time.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>She adds, \u201cIt is a worthy choice, of incredibly high value to a family, and while it may feel like the central mission of the day, it is in no way the whole woman.\u201d<\/p>\n<h4><strong><strong><strong><strong>2. Pay them for doing the hardest job on Earth.<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>According to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yahoo.com\/video\/much-economists-stay-home-moms-010723606.html#:~:text=On%20average%2C%20they%20spend%20almost,they%20perform%20would%20be%20%2436%2C189.75.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">Salary.com<\/a>, a SAHM should make more than $184,000 annually. Some countries, like Sweden and Germany, do <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vox.com\/2016\/5\/23\/11440638\/child-benefit-child-allowance\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">pay parents<\/a> who stay home with their kids, but the United States is not one of them. The <a href=\"https:\/\/www.whitehouse.gov\/child-tax-credit\/#:~:text=It%20has%20gone%20from%20%242%2C000,of%20the%20Child%20Tax%20Credit.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">Child Tax Credit<\/a> was one step toward a universal child benefit, but we must do more. <\/p>\n<h4><strong><strong><strong><strong>3. Make <a href=\"https:\/\/www.investopedia.com\/paid-family-and-medical-leave-by-state-5089907\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" class=\"content-link css-5r4717\">Paid Family and Medical Leave<\/a> a reality for every family in the United States.<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>PFML provides up to 12 weeks of leave for family members to raise their child, care for a sick relative, or experience other life events that might require time away from work, yet many American workers don\u2019t have access to it. As of now, only nine states have PFML policies on the books. <\/p>\n<p>There are some things SAHMs can do for themselves, too. Dr. Maryann B. Schaefer, a therapist in Manhasset, New York, and a mom, encourages SAHMs to \u201cenjoy this special, precious time in life, [but also] keep in mind what your dreams are as you mature and grow.\u201d You might not be a SAHM forever, and you might not want to go back to the same career you left. <\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s good to keep an awareness of what your passions and talents are, so if and when you want to go back to work, you\u2019ll be ready. \u201cUse that time for some introspection, even when you\u2019re exhausted, and ask yourself what you enjoy,\u201d Schaefer says. <\/p>\n<p>Lind-Hernaiz suggests that SAHMs build an accepting community of family, friends, and neighbors. \u201cI think we underestimate how [our] community helps us get through the day-to-day,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-0\"><span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Personally, I could never be a SAHM. I know that about myself now. I like having a job for many reasons, the biggest being that I chose a career in which I can have a direct impact on making people\u2019s lives better. <\/p>\n<p>But growing up and daydreaming about having kids, I was always the mom who baked cookies from scratch and hosted the best kid birthday parties on the block. In my dreams, I was the mom who had spectacular summer barbecues, whose house all the neighborhood kids wanted to hang out at. <\/p>\n<p>While being a SAHM turned out not to be my calling, I have learned that I like to work remotely, somewhat of a compromise I\u2019ve been afforded because of the pandemic. I like the ability to pick my kids up if the school nurse calls, to take them to their piano lessons right after school, to cook dinner for them every night, and to generally be more available for them.<\/p>\n<p>There isn\u2019t a job description for us moms. We have no road map or employee manual when it comes to raising kids. We love them and nurture them the best way we know how, and we don\u2019t need to explain why we do that as stay-at-home or working moms. <\/p>\n<p>\u201cWomen are judged <em>no matter<\/em> what choices they make,\u201d Wicklund says. \u201cIt is nothing more than misogyny, and we must recognize [it] and wholly reject it.\u201d <\/p>\n<p><em>*She did not want to give the name of the city she lives in for privacy reasons. <\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Share on PinterestPhoto collage by Yunuen Bonaparte; Photography by xavierarnau\/Getty ImagesRaising a human being is hard. It\u2019s a different kind of \u201cwork\u201d because it\u2019s all-encompassing. I was raised by my<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":489,"featured_media":2315279,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","fifu_image_url":"","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1441196","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1441196","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/489"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1441196"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1441196\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2315279"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1441196"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1441196"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.conservativenewsdaily.net\/breaking-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1441196"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}