Therapeutic childrearing model harms children’s lives
When undergraduates entered university education programs three decades ago, professors emphasized the importance of instilling in future teachers the belief that their choices and actions determine their outcomes. It was all about fostering an internal locus of control, where students understood that their grades would suffer if they chose not to do their homework.
Fast forward to today, and children are being taught the exact opposite. They are led to believe that if their grades are low, it’s because of external factors such as trauma, learning disabilities, or a hostile learning environment. They are taught to have an external locus of control, always blaming someone else for their failures and believing they are too broken to overcome challenges.
In her groundbreaking book, “Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up,” Abigail Shrier exposes the well-intentioned origins of this therapeutic approach to childrearing and the havoc it has wreaked.
While the shift towards gentler parenting and trauma-informed care initially aimed to nurture children’s emotional well-being, the alarming rise in depression, suicidal thoughts, and reliance on psychotherapeutic drugs among adolescents and teens suggests that something has gone awry. The pendulum has swung too far, with the focus now on children’s happiness rather than their development into responsible individuals.
Instead of teaching children to respect their parents, elders, and become productive citizens, the current child-focused perspective emphasizes that children know what they need and that happiness is the ultimate goal in life. However, as Shrier reveals through extensive interviews with mental health professionals, relentlessly pursuing happiness often leads to disappointment.
Rooted in humanistic psychology from the 1940s, our current cultural mindset demands immediate therapeutic intervention for any negative emotional experience. This approach, involving mental health professionals, school staff, and well-meaning parents, fails to acknowledge that not everyone benefits from talking about their problems. It also perpetuates a cycle of dependency on treatment and undermines children’s agency and independence.
In her book, Shrier outlines ten harmful consequences of this therapeutic model:
- Kids become hyper-focused on their feelings, making them susceptible to manipulation and unable to manage their emotions independently.
- Kids ruminate endlessly on their feelings and experiences, which is a major predictor of depression.
- Emotional suffering gets rewarded, perpetuating a cycle of victimhood.
- Worries are accommodated instead of overcome, leading to increased fear and intolerance.
- Children are over-monitored, resulting in a lack of agency and heightened anxiety.
- Diagnoses are handed out too freely, causing children to believe something is wrong with them.
- Drugs are often prescribed, potentially numbing children to life’s challenges.
- Kids are encouraged to share their “trauma”, even though talking about it may not always be helpful.
- Young adults are encouraged to cut off their families, blaming them for all their unhappiness.
- Dependency on treatment is fostered, eroding children’s agency and independence.
The therapeutic model of childrearing has infiltrated schools, homes, and our collective consciousness, causing harm instead of promoting growth. It has shifted the focus from responsibility to blame, from mature behavior to self-centeredness, from respecting parental authority to breaking up families, and from fostering resilience to cultivating victimhood.
According to Shrier, the cure lies in good old-fashioned parenting that combines love and discipline in equal measure. If you have any involvement with children, whether as a parent, teacher, or simply someone who knows children, I highly recommend reading “Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up.” This book has the potential to change the world for over-therapied kids who are missing out on developing resilience.
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How has the shift towards an external locus of control in education impacted students’ ability to take responsibility for their choices and actions?
When undergraduates entered university education programs three decades ago, professors emphasized the importance of instilling in future teachers the belief that their choices and actions determine their outcomes. It was all about fostering an internal locus of control, where students understood that their grades would suffer if they chose not to do their homework.
Fast forward to today, and children are being taught the exact opposite. They are led to believe that if their grades are low, it’s because of external factors such as trauma, learning disabilities, or a hostile learning environment. They are taught to have an external locus of control, always blaming someone else for their failures and believing they are too broken to overcome challenges.
In her groundbreaking book, “Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up,” Abigail Shrier exposes the well-intentioned origins of this therapeutic approach to childrearing and the havoc it has wreaked.
While the shift towards gentler parenting and trauma-informed care initially aimed to nurture children’s emotional well-being, the alarming rise in depression, suicidal thoughts, and reliance on psychotherapeutic drugs among adolescents and teens suggests that something has gone awry. The pendulum has swung too far, with the focus now on children’s happiness rather than their development into responsible individuals.
Instead of teaching children to respect their parents, elders, and become productive citizens, the current child-focused perspective emphasizes that children know what they need and that happiness is the ultimate goal in life. However, as Shrier reveals through extensive interviews with mental health professionals, relentlessly pursuing happiness often leads to disappointment.
Rooted in humanistic psychology from the 1940s, our current cultural mindset demands immediate therapeutic intervention for any negative emotional experience. This approach, involving mental health professionals, school staff, and well-meaning parents, fails to acknowledge that not everyone benefits from talking about their problems. It also perpetuates a cycle of dependency on treatment and undermines children’s agency and independence.
In her book, Shrier outlines ten harmful consequences of this therapeutic model:
1. Kids become hyper-focused on their feelings, making them susceptible to manipulation and unable to manage their emotions independently.
2. Kids ruminate endlessly on their feelings and experiences, which is a major predictor of depression.
3. Emotional suffering gets rewarded, perpetuating a cycle of victimhood.
4. Worries are accommodated instead of being challenged, hindering the development of resilience.
5. Children are taught that discomfort and failure are unacceptable, preventing them from developing coping skills and resilience.
6. The focus on mental health becomes a form of self-obsession, inhibiting social and emotional growth.
7. The emphasis on happiness undermines the importance of effort, hard work, and determination in achieving success.
8. Children are shielded from consequences, denying them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and grow.
9. The therapeutic model fosters a culture of fragility, where any adversity becomes overwhelming and insurmountable.
10. Children fail to develop a sense of agency and personal responsibility when they constantly rely on external factors to explain their failures.
As parents, educators, and policymakers, it is crucial to critically evaluate the current approach to childrearing and education. While emotional well-being is important, we must also prioritize the development of resilient, responsible individuals who can navigate the challenges of life with confidence and independence. By promoting an internal locus of control and fostering a growth mindset, we can equip children with the tools they need to thrive in an ever-changing world.
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