Texas Primaries Just Ended A Bunch of Jerry Springer Episodes
Texas’s recent primaries are portrayed in sharp, satirical terms, highlighting a mixed set of outcomes and theater-worthy moments. The piece suggests that Democratic Senate hopeful James Talarico may be edging toward greater influence, while Jasmine Crockett exits the House to run for the Senate, a move that the author frames as reducing the number of dramatic confrontations in the next Congress. On the Republican side, Dan Crenshaw lost his primary by about 15 points, and Rep. al Green finished second, forcing a runoff and keeping him in the race. The article uses colorful character sketches—Green’s impeachment rhetoric, Crockett’s noted code-switching, and Crenshaw’s controversial past remarks—to critique the personalities shaping Texas politics.
the author argues that while the results are a mixed bag, there is real relief in seeing Crockett and Crenshaw depart from the House, and in seeing Green face ongoing trouble and Talarico advance. The piece, written by Chris bray—a former Army sergeant and UCLA PhD who also writes on Substack—frames the Texas primaries as a theater of personalities as much as a contest of policy.
The primary elections in Texas this week may bring us closer to the daily heartburn of a Sen. James Talarico, endlessly sermonizing on the biblical mandate for pediatric phalloplasty and trans abortions.
But the same election results will send some theater kids home for good, so the day is worth celebrating. In one unfortunate case, the result is only a maybe: A particularly repulsive Democrat performance artist, Rep. Al Green, has for years filed articles of impeachment against President Trump on something close to all days ending in y, and has developed a particular taste for middle school theatrics during the State of the Union address.
Green came in second in his primary this week, but his most successful challenger fell short of 50 percent, forcing a runoff. Still, a second-place finish for a longtime officeholder suggests that even Texas Democrats are getting tired of him.
Better news: Losing to Talarico’s fake preacher act, the Democrat Rep. Jasmine Crockett gave up her House seat for her Senate campaign. That means we’ll get much less of this in the next Congress:
Miraculous that no chairs were thrown during that hearing, or that Maury Povich didn’t show up with the results of a paternity test.
Crockett, by the way, is quite famous for some particularly shameless code-switching, becoming a different person from moment to moment, in a performance that won’t be missed at all.
On the Republican side, Rep. Dan Crenshaw has been interesting for a while, infamously snapping at a child who asked him a question about religious faith.
On a longish list of greatest hits, Crenshaw said on a hot mic that he would kill Tucker Carlson if he ever met him.
On a list of MAGA grievances, Crenshaw expressed little interest in the fate of Jan. 6 prisoners.
Crenshaw lost his primary this week by 15 points.
Crockett and Crenshaw leaving, Green in real trouble, Talarico advancing. A mixed bag, but the good news is real.
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