More children are choosing to cut off contact with their parents.
More Kids Are Cutting Off Their Parents and Families
The trend of going “no contact” with parents and family has gained significant popularity in recent years, especially among younger Americans and LGBT individuals. It has become a prevalent topic on social media platforms like TikTok, with hashtags such as #ToxicFamily and #NoContact accumulating billions of views.
According to Cornell University professor Karl Pillemer, approximately 27% of American adults are estranged from a family member. This trend seems to be particularly strong among white and non-immigrant Millennials and Gen Zers under the age of 35 in the U.S. and other Western countries.
Popular culture figures have also shed light on the concept of family estrangement. Drew Barrymore, for instance, has openly discussed her emancipation from her parents at the age of 14 and her challenging relationship with her mother. Additionally, author Jennette McCurdy’s book titled “I’m Glad My Mom Died” became a New York Times bestseller.
While some young people cut off their parents due to real abuse, such as childhood sexual abuse, parental addiction, emotional abuse, or financial abuse, others cite more eyebrow-raising reasons. However, this alarming trend is not isolated; there are influential forces encouraging young individuals to sever ties with their own families.
The Role of Gender Ideology
One of these influential forces is the gender ideology movement. TikTok is filled with videos of trans-identifying individuals going “no contact” with their parents, claiming lack of support for their new gender identities and, in some cases, their medical transition.
Medical gender transition for teens and adults can involve cross-sex hormones and surgeries like double mastectomies and genital surgeries, which carry potential long-term health complications.
Another concept gaining popularity is the idea of a “chosen family.” This refers to the people an LGBT person surrounds themselves with to compensate for unsupportive family members.
For example, Cosmopolitan shares the story of “Ant,” a nonbinary individual who cut off their “ultra-conservative” and “abusive” parents after their parents’ response to the Pulse nightclub shooting. Ant waited until turning 18 to initiate the no-contact decision.
LGBT influencer Jeffrey Marsh even offers guidance to those considering going “no contact” with their parents, encouraging them in one of their TikTok videos.
Early Seeds of Estrangement
In some cases, the seeds for going “no contact” with parents are planted before the child even reaches adulthood. Organizations like The Trevor Project, focused on supporting LGBTQ+ youth, advise young individuals that they don’t necessarily need to maintain a relationship with their parents. They also provide chatrooms for LGBTQ+ youth to connect and seek support.
Furthermore, certain school policies that restrict parental notification regarding a student’s gender identity can create a divide between parents and children. Thousands of schools across the country have policies allowing or even requiring staff to conceal a child’s new gender identity from their parents.
In California, there is even a bill under consideration that could result in the physical removal of trans-identifying children from unaffirming parents. The bill proposes amending California’s family code to consider whether a parent affirms their child’s gender identity in child custody disputes.
Similarly, Washington state recently passed a bill allowing youth services providers to withhold information from parents about their runaway children’s transgender treatments or reproductive health care services.
A Growing Trend
With the increasing popularity of adopting new gender identities among youth and the influences of gender ideology, mental health advice, and popular culture, the trend of “no contact” with parents shows no signs of slowing down.
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