California is Planning to Give Huge Parcels of Land to Native Tribes, But What About Billie Eilish’s $14 Million Mansion?

California is looking to return over 7 million acres of coastal land to indigenous tribes that libs say it was “stolen” from. Not included: the coastal land and house that the most famous land-thief in the Golden State admitted she possesses on national TV.

According to a report in the New York Post this week, California announced it was “returning stewardship of a staggering 7.5 million acres of land and coastal waters to Native tribes” — about 7 percent of the state’s total land area — based on a treaty that was signed 175 years ago and was never enforced.

“When California became a state in 1850, officials signed 18 treaties setting aside millions of acres for tribal reservations,” the New York Post noted. “Congress killed the deals in secret after pressure from state leaders. Many tribes had already moved, trusting the promises.”

Well, unless there are some awfully old Natives, they’re pretty much gone now, making this meaningless to the people who should have benefited from the federal government’s promises and a nuisance to current Californians thanks to the state government’s wokeness.

There are some pluses to this plan to allow Native tribes to reclaim and co-manage spaces. For instance, tribes can now carry out controlled burns of foliage — verboten, mostly, in California, which is why wildfires there spread like, well, wildfire. (Look, if writers in the Hollywood-centric corner of that state can get away with the sort of laziness they do, I can get away with it when writing about their state, as well. Fair’s fair.)

Also a plus: We get one more chance to dunk on land-thief Billie Eilish.

In case you don’t know who she is, Eilish is a new-ish musician who’s repurposed Depeche Mode’s mopeyness for the algorithm-pop generation, all without repurposing their talent.

Anyhow, Eilish won an award for one of her lesser songs during this year’s Grammys, which led to this eminently mockable speech.

“No one is illegal on stolen land. It’s just really hard to know what to say and what to do right now,” she said. “I feel really hopeful in this room, and I feel like we just need to keep fighting, and speaking up, and protesting, and our voices really do matter, and the people matter, and f*** ICE is all I want to say, sorry.”

WARNING: The following video contains vulgar language that some may find offensive.

Billie Eilish calls America “stolen land”

Ok, Billie. Your $14,000,000 mansion in LA is built where the Tongva tribes once lived. Any plans on returning it?

pic.twitter.com/3qu0ubWX8G

— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) February 2, 2026

It’s enough to make one pine for the bad old days of the Grammys, when Dave Letterman and Norm Macdonald would have a spate of jokes regarding the physical feasibility of Madonna carrying out what Eilish suggested should happen to Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

But I digress, because this had an even funnier bit of unintentional irony: It turns out Eilish is currently squatting (to use her definition, anyway) on some very expensive land that was “stolen” from the Tongva tribe.

I took a closer look at Billie Eilish’s sprawling mansion. She doesn’t just have 1 wall… SHE HAS 3!!! So tall that you can’t even see over them 👀

Heavily fortified and surrounded by security. Meanwhile, she expects you to let criminals into your community, you bigots! pic.twitter.com/9i1xokta17

— Matt Wallace (@MattWallace888) February 2, 2026

After the incident, representatives from the Tongva tribe said that “Eilish has not contacted our tribe directly regarding her property.” I’m sure she’s rectified that in the interim, in much the same way I’m sure O.J. spent the rest of his time in this vale of tears searching for the real killers. They both came across as very credible on the matter, after all.

Anyhow, as it turns out, there are no reports that Eilish’s “stolen land” is part of the 7 percent of California being returned to the distant descendants of the people who were promised it in penumbrous treaties signed back when slavery was still legal and it took more time to get from New York to California than it takes to get from New York to Antarctica now.

Because remember, in California, only the little people suffer. Keep enjoying that stolen land, Billie.

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