Atlantic Writer Reveals How Magic Trinket Made Her Hate Her Gas Stove Even More

At least one Left-wing crackpot is here Thisclose to figuring out that they’re all making each other crazy over stuff so stupid that the rest of us can barely follow along. Perhaps there’s hope.

Write in The AtlanticKatherine Wu shares that she finally made it to an organization for an “Aranet4” Air quality monitor, when the Left suddenly decided approximately five minutes ago that it would not be a good idea to have one. Gas stoves are the latest existential threat It is a gift to all mankind. She admitted that she thought about buying one a few years ago to go all-Karen and take it around to detect COVID in public places. However, the $250 price tag was too much. She was shocked to learn that gas stoves were slowly threatening all of us and she decided to get one last month.

SAF Tehnika, a Latvian company, makes the Aranet4. You can just tell that they are at the forefront of the fight for clean air and no one would dare to cook on a gas stove. Wu estimates that it measures three square inches and is made from plastic and metal. I estimate it costs around 50 cents to produce. It can make sounds and even tell you if the air in your home is making you stupid, although if you already bought one …

Wu, a natural solitary East Coast resident who has multiple cats, turned on the gadget to find out that the air was 1,200 parts for million of carbon dioxide. According to the helpful guide from Latvia, this reduced Wu’s brain function by 15%. She was terrified and opened a window to get out of her fear.

But, Aranet4 Wu was freezing and Wu barely moved. Wu, who was feeling dumb and numb, tried to go to bed with her husband, whom Wu refers to as “a” “reeking sack of respiring flesh” (Okay, that’s funny). The Aranet4 ominously warned that the carbon dioxide level in Wu’s apartment was now at 1,400 parts per million! According to the manual, this meant that Wu’s brain was working at half its capacity.

Who among us wouldn’t love to find out that a secret force in our apartment had been cutting our brainpower in half for years, and now we could be twice as smart if we just got an electric stove and maybe a spouse who didn’t snore? I could forgo making fun of Atlantic writers to get serious about Elon Musk’s mission to colonize Mars.

Wu is to her credit for realizing she cannot please the Aranet4 so long as she lives alone in a shoebox and eats home-cooked food. Sure, she could increase her intelligence by moving to a rural area where she could live in a bigger house, breathe fresher air, and be surrounded by nicer, saner people, but we all know that’s not an option for certain folks. There was only one thing to do: find an attorney. “expert” Who could possibly say otherwise? “There, there, Katherine.”

Wu sought the advice of an environmental engineer, who advised her not to be concerned about the high levels of pollutants in her air. Some are worse than carbon dioxide. Wu needs a HEPA filter. Wu also said that the Aranet4 is not very reliable. Wu was told by another expert that he uses $20,000 worth of HEPA filters. “research-grade carbon dioxide sensor” His lab. But if it took two years for Wu to save up and spring for the Aranet4, that’s probably not in the cards.

Wu, who said the whole episode has left her worried about the air quality at the post office and Trader Joe’s, finally got the meter in her apartment down to the 800s by leaving the window open six hours a day, running a fan, and giving up on using her stove.

You might not know it from her latest article, but you have to believe the improved air quality in Wu’s apartment finally has her brain cooking with gas.