10 Monumental Failures That Lasted Longer Than CNN+

Tim MeadsApril 22, 2022

CNN+ will soon be dead and gone, scheduled to be buried on April 30 after only a month on the market. To help put in perspective how much of a monumental failure this $300 million endeavor is, we’ve put together a list of other infamous failures in American culture that lasted longer than the soon-to-be-defunct streaming service.

At this point — two sentences into the article — you might find yourself asking, “What is CNN+ and why have I never heard of it?” Well, the short answer is that it wasn’t for you. It was for Americans who watched CNN and wanted more of it and were willing to shell out extra cash to do so. Much to the network’s dismay, it turns out there just aren’t many people who fit that category.

On Thursday, CNN’s Brian Stelter announced, “Breaking: CNN+, the streaming service that was hyped as one of the most significant developments in the history of CNN, will shut down on April 30, just one month after it launched.”

Of course, CNN was the one doing most of that hyping. Everyone else was scratching their heads wondering who greenlit such a terrible idea.

There have been other terrible ideas in pop culture, but even these ideas seem better than the streaming service when placed side-by-side. We put together 10 proverbial trainwrecks that lasted longer than CNN+, in no particular order.

New Coke – 79 Days

“To hear some tell it, April 23, 1985, was a day that will live in marketing infamy,” so said Coca-Cola’s own website.

That was the day that “New Coke” launched an updated formula for the first time in 99 years. It was a disaster. Soda drinkers everywhere hated the darned thing and wanted the old Coke recipe back. According to the company, “By June 1985, The Coca-Cola Company was getting 1,500 calls a day on its consumer hotline, compared with 400 a day before the taste change.”

The old recipe was only shelved for 79 days and then came back in July 1985. The “New Coke” product actually hung around much longer than that. It was renamed “Coke II” in 1990, and then officially discontinued in 2002

Mike Bloomberg’s Presidential Campaign — 100 Days

The former New York City mayor launched his campaign for the 2020 Democratic presidential nominee on November 24, 2019. On March 4, 2020, he ended his hunt for the presidency. The man spent $1 billion on his campaign and touted things like“Big Gay Ice Cream” in the process.

ABC News added that “he won just 55 delegates in the primary, and only one contest, in American Samoa, spending roughly $18 million per delegate.” Ouch.

Tom Brady’s Retirement — 40 Days

The greatest quarterback of all time spent just 40 days retired. Can you really call that a retirement?

Anybody even slightly paying attention recognized that Brady, who launched a clothing line during his time away from the National Football League, looked so darned depressed anytime he was hawking his new pair of pants on Instagram. Between that, and the movie that he was producing with a bunch of aging lefties portraying lifelong Patriots fans, nothing about his time away from the field made sense. Also, he was coming off one of his best seasons ever.

His retirement officially lasted from February 1, 2022, to March 13, 2022. He’ll be back this fall, pursuing his eighth Super Bowl trophy.

Actually, come to think of it, Brady has spent twice as long participating in Super Bowl week preparation and media days — 10 weeks — than the entire lifespan of CNN+ will end up being.

Kim Kardashian’s Marriage To Kris Humphries — 72 Days

They say true love never dies, so maybe this is still going on and we just don’t know it. Kim Kardashian, a woman famous for making an adult film with a rapper that was subsequently leaked to the public, married NBA player Kris Humphries in August 2011. Seventy-two days later in October, she filed for divorce.

Given the celebrity status of the couple, the pair’s marriage is often used as the barometer for failure. That should give you a sense of historic CNN+’s downfall is in American culture.

The XFL — 87 Real Days Of In Season Play (Maybe More To Come)

In 2018, Vince McMahon refounded the XFL — America’s newest football league — for a spring season featuring former NFL stars and young up-and-comers. It had different rules, was exciting, and was in eight cities around the country. The gameplay launched on January 18, 2020, and was just getting started before COVID-19 hit. After five weeks of play, they suspended the inaugural season. On April 13, the league filed for bankruptcy.

Fear not, as the league is reportedly going to make a comeback in 2023.

Kamala Harris’ Presidential Campaign — 317 Days

On January 27, 2019, the California senator announced her candidacy for the Democratic nomination. Her campaign didn’t even make it to the Iowa caucuses in 2020. She ended things on December 3, 2019, after becoming a bottom feeder in virtually every poll.

Despite accusing then-candidate Joe Biden of enacting racist policies against her as a little girl, and other barbed jabs at the frontrunner, she somehow wound up as Biden’s running mate.

Now, she’s one heartbeat away from the presidency. In the words of her boss, “C’mon, man.”

15 Days To Slow The Spread — Two Years and Counting

Not much can be said that hasn’t already been said. Starting with President Donald J. Trump and Dr. Anthony Fauci on March 16, elected officials and health “experts” told all of America that we needed to lock the country down for 15 days to slow the spread of COVID-19 while instituting other public health measures. Here we are, more than two years later and it seems like we’re still trapped in those 15 days. The Biden administration is now suing to retain the right to force Americans to wear masks on public transportation.

Let’s not linger here much longer or a member of the Branch Covidians will appear out of nowhere tell us to put a mask on our faces.

CNN’s Coverage of Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 — At Least 39 Days

The day that Malaysian Airlines flight 370 disappeared was like Christmas for CNN. They covered the event non-stop and the reporting was so bad that — as The Intelligencer documented at the time — for at least 39 days straight, the network ran dozens, if not hundreds, of minutes of coverage. Folks like CNN’s Don Lemon speculated that something supernatural may have occurred and also pondered whether or not the plane entered into a black hole. Enlightening stuff, Don. Nine of the most embarrassing moments from that coverage can be read here.

Crystal Pepsi – Two Years

In 1993, the Pepsi Cola company wanted to try something new, something different. They introduced a clear version of Pepsi. The Conversation reported that the product was launched in America “with a Super Bowl commercial claiming: ‘You’ve never seen a taste like this…’”

Which was accurate, but consumers couldn’t “see” why the clear drink was necessary in the first place. Unlike Coke, Pepsi didn’t completely get rid of the original recipe, but the gimmick failed to ever take off. Crystal Pepsi was discontinued in 1994.

M.C. Hammer’s Parachute Pants — 22 years

The exact date of when “parachute pants” were created is hard to pin down. Mental Floss reported that a thousand years ago, women wore baggy, oversized pants in India and Turkey. The version of clothing that most readers are probably familiar with — rapper M.C. Hammer’s pants — was more likely created in the late 1800s. Variations of them were passed down, but eventually, the rapper used them in his concerts because he liked the way the baggy pants accentuated his dance moves.

M.C. Hammer actually hates the word “parachute” pants and insists that they are called “Hammer pants.” He debuted them in a 1990 music video, for his hit song “U Can’t Touch This.”

To this day, you can still see some people living the glory days of the early 90s rocking those pants as they sling a boombox over their head blaring, “Stop! Hammer time!”

And now we get to add CNN+ to this list. After 32 days, it officially will shut down. May its name forever be a cultural reference In memoriam, please enjoy this video of other disastrous CNN coverage put together by The Daily Wire: